Spicy Midlife Women: Real Talk, Raw Truth, and Bold Moves for Women Over 40

7. Your New Midlife Standards After 40

• Episode 7

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In this episode, Jules and Michelle dive into the crucial topic of setting new standards for yourself after 40. They explore how to move beyond survival mode and fear-based decision making that may have served you in your younger years, but no longer align with the woman you've become. The hosts share personal stories about professional burnout, lifestyle upgrades, emotional boundaries, and the importance of choosing yourself without needing consensus from others. This conversation is all about recognizing your worth, protecting your energy, and creating intentional standards that support the spicy, empowered woman you are in midlife.

Questions Answered in This Episode:

  • Do the standards you currently have align with the woman you are now, or the girl you used to be?
  • How can you recognize and address professional burnout while still pursuing meaningful work?
  • What's the difference between healthy ambition and overextending yourself to prove your worth?
  • How do you upgrade your lifestyle standards to prioritize joy and intentionality?
  • Why is it crucial to stop entertaining chaos and drama in your relationships?
  • How can you set boundaries with energy-draining people without feeling guilty?
  • What does it mean to communicate with grace while still being direct and honest?
  • How do you set standards for how others are allowed to speak to you?
  • Why don't you need consensus or approval from others to choose yourself?
  • How can you learn to trust your gut instincts when making important life decisions?
  • What's the difference between bouncing ideas off trusted people versus seeking validation?
  • How do you handle judgment from others when you're making bold life changes?

Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?!

Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and send a DM about what resonated most during this episode so they can encourage you with steps forward in your own life.

Speaker 1:

Hey, all you spicy women out there, it's Michelle and Jules here. We are your spicy ladies from the Northwest Seattle Washington, and we're here to share our stories with you and have these no BS conversations. Right, Michelle? That's right.

Speaker 2:

We're here to help all you midlife women redefine your relationships, ditch those toxic cycles and reclaim your power, one episode at a time. So let's get into it. Let's get into it so today.

Speaker 1:

What's the topic, michelle?

Speaker 2:

We are setting standards. Yeah Right, new standards For after 40. That's right.

Speaker 1:

That's us Now. One might think we're speaking about romantic standards here. Nope, but no. Well, I mean, I guess it could apply Maybe. But really what we wanted to do early on is kind of talk about the standards just in general, just evaluating what your standards are, because I bet you we don't really think about that too much. People talk about expectations a lot, but expectations and standards are two very different things.

Speaker 2:

And we can talk about that a little bit more too, and we'll get into this, but keeping it, even with what you know, right, what wisdom you have gained through the experiences that have brought you to that midlife point, right, not based on so much of your past, right?

Speaker 1:

If that makes sense. Yeah, I think that is what we just naturally as humans have a tendency to do. Oh, for sure, I know I did. Yeah, especially with trauma things that happen with you know traumatic things in our life or things where we've been humiliated or where we've really missed the boat on something you know it's. The trauma can really overshadow.

Speaker 2:

Let me just. Let me just take another drink there, as you're talking about that she's clearly this is resonating with her right.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, you know we're not operating from or at least we. I shouldn't say we aren't, because some of you might be operating from survival or fear or you know, that place where you're not really super confident in your decisions and worrying about what will they think, what will my family think, what will my family think, what will my friends think? You know when you're making decisions. So there's all of us at different stages, I think of this. But when we're talking about setting your standards, I think it's really important to have these conversations with ourselves and really kind of define it, because my venturing guess is and I can speak from my own experience I hadn't really done that, I didn't really define that, I thought I had, but I'd never really discussed it.

Speaker 2:

Isn't it interesting how I'm just listening to you talk about this and Jules and I we're past 40, right, we're on a little bit into midlife, which is part of the reason we are spicy.

Speaker 2:

We can look back and see what we've learned from our experiences, what brought us through things that we've gained you know how we've been able to exactly get through those things, but you were just talking about the survival in fear and operating from those things. That was me 100%. I was totally operating from survival mode and fear, and what will my family think? And the expectations that you bring into your life from your past which have to do with how you were raised, and different things like that which have to do with how you were raised, and different things like that. And then you're so you can be so busy with whether it's raising a family or climbing the corporate ladder or doing both of those things. Right, you know, building just that clarity for me, anyways, didn't come until beyond that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think that's when we both were able to kind of take a deep breath and go okay, what is? What is this mean? Where? Am I now, is this what it's supposed to? Be right, because it was just a matter of really. When I say survival, it's not like physical survival, it's like mentally surviving and trying to be everything for the people that were around you.

Speaker 2:

I call it the superwoman syndrome. We've talked about that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, where there's just nothing left. Yeah, you know, you just don't have a lot left, and so that's not a good place to be. But I mean you could hear me go on for days about societal expectations and things that I think are placed on women in general. Men too.

Speaker 1:

I mean men have other types of expectations that are placed on them within society, but I think there's a lot of things that we hold on to or that we have been, we've been taught or have been drummed into our heads, you know, by the generations before us, yeah, who've had it, you know, shoved down their throat, I guess. Yeah, yeah, you know yeah.

Speaker 2:

So I'm excited to talk about some of these things because, you know, I think if you're in midlife, truly midlife you know what is midlife. We talk about 40 and beyond, right? So, and that's the age that I'm talking about, when you're, you know, survival mode and going through fear and figuring a lot of shit out, right. So, anyways, excited to talk. We're going to talk about some of these standards that we're speaking of, whether it's lifestyle standards, emotional standards, communication standards.

Speaker 2:

We're going to get a little bit into all of those things to just help all you midlife women be able to better recognize where you're at yourself and what you can do differently.

Speaker 1:

Exactly, yeah. So going back to this, setting the standards initially when we're starting about this. The question I want you all to ask yourself is does the standard that I set, or these standards that I set for myself, apply to me now, as a grown woman, the same way, or are they for the girl that I used to be? I love that. Well, it's kind of really deep. It is very deep when I think about that.

Speaker 1:

I'm like okay, the person that I was is not the same person I am now. Have I evolved? Have my standards evolved with me?

Speaker 1:

Yes, and I would say honestly, no, they had not Really Earlier on Earlier on, I feel like now I've embraced things more but I've also done the work to think about it and talk about it and all that kind of stuff, whereas I just hadn't. So I mean, I think I'm all that and a bag of chips, but really I wasn't. I was not. I was really kind of you know, yeah, I like that.

Speaker 1:

I was not. I like that, the standard. I should say ask yourself, do the standards you have now align with the woman you are now, or the woman that you want to become, or do they align with the person that you used to be, yeah, and or the person that you were trying to maybe leave in the in your distant memory to some degree, not that it wasn't important, absolutely, it's all not, oh my gosh it all matters, it's all part to know that and understand it, so that you are able to, you know, recognize the standards in which you want to continue with Right yeah.

Speaker 1:

So. So bullet number two if we're talking about setting our standards here are professional. I wanted to talk about professional standards now. Burnout is a big thing. Standards now, burnout is a big thing, and it's something that I feel like is more prevalent than we probably give it credit for, generationally, I think.

Speaker 2:

When you're talking about being over 40, a lot of this is the hustle you know, and I am notorious for this, yeah, I love the hustle yeah almost to the point of yeah, I'm, you still do oh my god, I love the hustle yeah and that's.

Speaker 1:

but see, I'm not at that place where I'm really I like my inner peace, and but part of my inner peace is the you still do divorced and really trying to be successful and on my own terms and in the way that made sense to me.

Speaker 1:

So, but I've always been that way, and so it's not that hustle's bad by any stretch of the imagination, but glorifying things that have to do with hustle, they really do maybe take away from what it is that is bringing you your peace or the use of your time. You know how you use your time. What's important to you in regard to pay, it's like, is it making so much money but being miserable at what you do?

Speaker 2:

Right Peace has got to be a big part of that too, right, Setting the standards about, just like you were saying, your pay, but then also there's your peace and your time. But then also there's your peace and your time, all of those things that play into that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I was talking with someone yesterday about a job that he was considering going back to, and the benefits were really good in this job, right. He hated it, though, and the pay was good, but he hated it and it goes back to this whole thing. I can't with that anymore. I just was like why in the world would you even consider something like that? No, there's so many other avenues that you can go down where you are going, to enjoy what you're doing. Maybe you're not making exactly the same amount of money, but you're happy at what you're doing. It's like because I really feel like going to work should not feel like going to work. Yeah, I mean, when I go to work, I don't feel like I'm going to work.

Speaker 2:

Should not feel like going to work.

Speaker 1:

I mean, when I go to work I don't feel like I'm going to work. I feel like I'm excited to go to work because I enjoy what I'm doing Not every day, obviously, but for the most part. So, really kind of evaluating your professional standards and saying am I overextending myself? Is this something that I have done in order to prove my worth, and am I doing that in a corporate ladder setting? Am I doing that in a company where I want to, you know, be embraced in a more leadership type role? There's going to be all different components to that and in some respects, you know, more power to you as you're kind of growing into whatever job you have or you're, you know, kind of evolving into something else.

Speaker 2:

Remember that there's always going to be benefits, but there's also detriments, I think that the key part to that, what we were just saying is is don't overextend yourself, right? Because I think you know, for me I was just thinking about myself. I totally used to do that to feel my self-worth. That's where I was putting. I was pouring everything into the career, right, made me feel good doing all those things, climbing the corporate ladder, but I was sacrificing a lot as a result and because I had a lot going on personally that I didn't want to deal with, which is why I was doing that Right.

Speaker 2:

So, recognizing the you know, the things behind it that are going along with that, and even now I started a new career three years ago and I still overextend I'm just that's the nature of who I am and overextending to feel my worth, that's kind of part of it. But even in the last three years, I've learned to balance that and, even though I kind of thrive on that and I do that, I have learned to have a better balance with those things and I still feel the self-worth, even though I'm balancing it and not overextending myself. So you know, being able to recognize when that's happening is super important and you've got to set so the standards for yourself with regard to that.

Speaker 1:

Well, I think, from an early on stage too, is like you're probably not going to work for a company that is requiring a lot of those things from you.

Speaker 2:

You know, like there's a company called amazon, you know yeah that is, and there's they employ a lot of people, right, I don't work for them and I overextend myself with Amazon.

Speaker 1:

Well, they're notorious. They're notorious for burning out their employees. Now, I don't know if that's still the case, but I know a lot of people that work for Amazon and it's definitely something that's out there. You work your ass off. It's like you're climbing. Whatever You're moving from one department to the other, you're getting stock options. Whatever you're moving from one department to the other, you're getting stock options.

Speaker 1:

There's all kinds of things that are drawing people in related to money, related to power, all those things, and you know innovativeness, obviously, and the creativity that goes along with it. But at the end of the day, it's like these people a lot of them are working insane hours, insane. And yeah, their kids are young and they're not.

Speaker 2:

We're speaking from the choir right, because we did the same thing. We did that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but it's something where, as you've kind of gotten to that place in your life where you've maybe been through those stages and you're like, yeah, been there, done that, not going to do that anymore Learned from it, or you're going to pick and choose the things that you really want to do, that you're going to invest your time in, and maybe it's not going to be so financially fulfilling, but it might be fulfilling to your heart, you know. Maybe it's volunteering, maybe it's something else that's not related to work.

Speaker 2:

Well, and I think, too, that kind of you know kind of brings us into this next standard I want to talk about, which is lifestyle Right, perfect, with some of the things you were just talking about. I think it's important to raise the bar on how you are living right, and being able to recognize what some of those things are. Yeah, is definitely part of that in regard to lifestyle and balancing. There's another flip on that, though, too, with lifestyle right. Do you know what I'm thinking? It's just how you look in regard to lifestyle.

Speaker 1:

Like in terms of your complexion or like how you dress.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, just like a lot of those things Skincare there's that it doesn't just have to be about all those things that come into play that we hear so much about in midlife, those exterior things. I guess, if you will For me, and I think maybe for you too, I don't know speak up if not, but midlife and going be able to feel joy and what brings me joy, being able to be intentional about the things that I do, the freedom that I choose to have to be able to do some of those things, how I'm living, the environments that I choose to have myself in, the habits, the daily rituals, that shit changed a lot for me in midlife.

Speaker 1:

Do you think it comes back to not having the other responsibilities, so you feel like you had more. It's like staring you in the face. You had more opportunity and time to focus on what was good for you.

Speaker 2:

For me it was just about this whole self-discovery, all of the things that I didn't know were inside me that slowly started to come about, and I paid attention to that and gave time to some of those things and I just ran with it. I, I ran with it. I really did, and and a lot of it was so differently than how I was living my life before.

Speaker 1:

It was like this whole new, it was like a whole other world do you feel like some of the the time I don't know how you were feeling about it, but some of the time prior to like and divorce, is the time frame really for me that a lot of this transition?

Speaker 2:

Me too, because I feel like I was doing a lot of treading water.

Speaker 1:

Yes, and I didn't take the time, you know, for really any of this kind of stuff right Joy, freedom, intent. Everything was based around my kids making sure that they had what they needed, making sure that they were getting the experiences. And whether I did that well or not, who knows, you know, you could ask them. They'd probably give you mixed answers.

Speaker 1:

You do the best you can as a parent, yeah, but you're right, it's like kind of upgrading your environment and it is something that you just realize wow, this is something I totally can do. Or the people that you're spending time with. You know who you're investing your energy and your time in. It's like if you're investing your energy and time in people who are sucking the life out of you, you're not necessarily gaining anything from those relationships.

Speaker 2:

And when I vividly remember, recognizing that and like I'm out, I am out.

Speaker 2:

Just so you know, without going into too much detail, I'm like just so you know, I am leaving this place, that I'm living, I'm bringing this with me and none of this is coming with me. I, like set some serious boundaries. I moved on and that is when I started paying attention to things that I craved, that I never allowed myself to give time to Something as little as drinking coffee in bed. I remember once I did that. I was moving on. I had a coffee maker and I set it up and people listening if you've not done this, ladies, you should try it. I put the coffee maker in my room next to my bed.

Speaker 2:

The, the kind that has the timer, yeah, right, so it would like oh, the smell would yes, oh my gosh, it would start brewing in the morning and that's what I would wake up to oh my god, that's a great idea the pot was right there. I would like pour my coffee and have it right there in my room, or two no, I had to go, I had to get up and get that, but I woke up to the brewing of the coffee.

Speaker 2:

The smell of the coffee was right there in my room. Did you have cream or two? No, I had to go. I had to get up and get that, but I woke up to the brewing of the coffee. The smell of the coffee was right there in my room. It was amazing.

Speaker 1:

Because now, okay, let me ask you this Prior to that, when you were saying, you know, you really kind of evolved and made some changes, and things and realized the things that you were craving when you started making those changes and putting those boundaries up. How did the people in your circle or your life respond?

Speaker 2:

I. I mean, it was like I there was like a trail. There was like a trail of of circumstances. That that was, you know, like behind me, and it's not like I was like leaving it in the dust because you can't. There's there's still a lot of things that you have to pay attention to, but that's the thing is, when you set the boundaries for yourself and be intentional about what that looks like and what it is that's bringing you joy so that you can keep yourself.

Speaker 2:

I mean, we've all heard the term keeping your cup full. It's definitely true. Doing the things that will continue to keep you going, that will fuel your fire. To do that, it gives you more a sense of self and therefore, being able to look at that trail. I'm using that as that, my analogy. You know, you've got this trail of things that is happening, but you have the ability to better pay attention and be more level-headed with regard to what you need to do. So, but the key part there is keeping your cup full and doing the things that bring you joy and being able to recognize that so that you are able to take care of other things that maybe aren't so pleasant.

Speaker 1:

Right, so you have that wherewithal to do it. The boundaries thing I've noticed too. I have done a lot of that boundary setting with people, who, people, or even activities and things that I've done them for other people, yeah, or I have, you know, put the energy in because it was important to somebody else. I don't think that's wrong to do. I think it's important that the people that are in your life know that you're going to show up for them, even if it's not something you're dying to do Sure you know, but not to the point where you're kind of overshadowed by the things that are happening around you or the people that are happening around you.

Speaker 1:

Like you're, like you're absorbing their life.

Speaker 2:

That's crazy. You do not have to entertain chaos. No, you do not, and that has to. That kind of brings us into emotional standards.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And not being clear on that, not entertaining chaos. That's a big one for me.

Speaker 1:

I kind of feel like I have been the chaos, I was the chaos. I mean we've all been the chaos. I mean, in truth, we've all been.

Speaker 1:

I mean to the point where I I mean, there were periods of time and again this is probably I remember so specifically around the same time that I had gone through the divorce and there's a lot of stuff going on with my kids and everything. I was in such a bad place. You know that I feel like anybody that I was around would probably run away from me, but I guess the key is that I recognized that I did the same, yeah, same.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I just was trying my best to keep my head above water and be positive and everything, but it wasn't always working, yeah, and so you feel like you're wearing a mask a lot of the time.

Speaker 2:

I think it's even more so important at that time to recognize what is going to fill you. Back to that because of what you just said, because I remember that too, when I was going through all the turbulent things, I mean I probably I was the chaos. Yeah, I'm glad you said that because it's true. But then once you move through that and you're getting through and you're learning, you're setting standards, making boundaries and doing all those things. That's where you've learned. It's all part of the journey. You've learned and you've come through all that, and now I don't have to entertain it anymore.

Speaker 2:

I don't have to be it because I'm not entertaining it it's so it's.

Speaker 1:

It's interesting because I have I have watched you do this before. Yeah, with people that are around that you're like, you're very friendly and you're you're nice to people, you're always kind. I've never run across the situation where we've actually had there's actually been people is that they don't like michelle because they just don't like her. And I'm looking and I'm going why I mean she's like the easiest, most likable person ever. Maybe you're the problem, you know, is what I've thought. But anyway, that's it.

Speaker 2:

That's a different story you're talking about, and it's because I don't entertain because you didn't entertain it. I think that's what it was and and so that might make some people uncomfortable, that's that's okay, because I don't want that shit in my life. So setting those boundaries it might cause some things like that. But if it's going to be what brings you peace, that's okay.

Speaker 1:

So do you think that setting boundaries can be viewed by some as being selfish? I mean sure, yeah, that's possible. So that's something to kind of be prepared for if you are looking at setting boundaries.

Speaker 2:

You have to protect, though, the energy that you're allowing into your space, right, because that has an impact overall on how you're feeling and how you're going to project and and you know those those kinds of things. So Protecting what kind of energy you allow in your space, I think, is super important, and that includes to your points. You know you're going to have to say no to things sometimes. Yeah, whether it's gossip, drama, people, you know, with unhealed things that they're projecting on you, just like that's probably what I, maybe that's what I was doing when I was the chaos, you know, and there were people around me that had to set boundaries.

Speaker 1:

yeah, so exactly, yeah, yeah, that's exactly it and I can think of a couple of times when that probably happened with people that were around around me and it's okay. Now I mean I don't, I don't mind it, but it's like you think that you're people that are friends but they're really not your friends, I mean and we'll get into friendship episodes and stuff like that down the road.

Speaker 1:

But I think it's important to you know make, like you said, the space for things that make you feel good and make your heart feel good, your spirit feel good. And it could be simple things like I went to the farmer's market last weekend and I got those peonies and put them in a little vase. I am not a fresh flower girl.

Speaker 1:

You know, I kill things constantly and I knew they were going to last for maybe a week, but I just really wanted to have something in my little space. You know that was pretty and kind of a mention of spring.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, little things can make such a big difference. Yeah, it made me happy. It made me happy and that was the other thing too is like that I was doing things like I think it was last weekend that I haven't done really in a long time, and it was fun because it was something different. Yeah, went to different parks. I went to this farmer's market I'd never been to before. I went to, just did different things I wasn't normally doing and it just kind of added a little bit of like extra oomph, you know, to my weekend sort of thing.

Speaker 2:

Do different things, ladies. Yeah, do different things.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and keep your peace. Keep your peace For sure. Peace is pretty critical. So the communication stuff. On point five this is the fifth thing we were going to talk about is something that I feel has been a constant, constant evolution and is, I think, for all of us. We are all learning how to communicate differently or better with different people, and you have to remember that your communication style may not be right for some. It may not work well for some people. You sometimes have to flex how you approach.

Speaker 1:

Approach things, because you may not be able to get your message across as well, but the communication that you have is really important. Now, that doesn't mean that you have to be so blunt and direct that you're going to obviously hurt people's feelings, but it also means not sugarcoating every message that's out there, because it's too painful for you to be direct. But do it with grace. Yeah, I think grace is super important.

Speaker 2:

I think grace is important with everything, yeah, with everything yeah, and it's.

Speaker 1:

It's the difference between you know, coming across as someone who is unhinged and someone who has put some thought into the gracefully confident, if you will right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So I think on the flip side of that too, you need to recognize how to set standards about or around how you're spoken to. That's a little less controllable, right? Well, how would you control that? I think, acknowledging like if somebody is speaking to you in a way that you don't appreciate, making it known. You know, I hear what you're saying. I appreciate why you might be feeling that way. I have to tell you that the way you're conveying that to me right now, I'm not taking it so great. Maybe we need to just step back and talk about this tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, or whatever, and that could be with a friend, that could be with one of your children, that could be with, you know, a relative, family member, whatever you know.

Speaker 1:

Co-worker anything, or it's you and how you're conveying. So if you're not conveying a message in a way if you're conveying a message to someone who and you're putting them on guard they're not going to hear you. Totally so. The communication, and again, I constantly am working on this. My word for the year, which some of you know, is listen, and Michelle's constantly reminding me, huh, Huh, what. If you were listening, you'd know that your keys were in.

Speaker 2:

I just give her a gentle reminder. I gracefully I tell her to remind her yeah, that's what she did. Yeah, she's like yeah, fuck you Like. Okay, she's right, though Is it your word for the year Listen.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Like fuck you.

Speaker 1:

I'm listening, well, listen. But really, when you think about it, listen and hear are kind of two different things.

Speaker 2:

They're synonymous, but not because it's like you can be listening but not hear someone hear.

Speaker 1:

Quite you know or understand what they're saying, or acknowledging, I guess, what they're trying to convey, the message they're trying to convey. So it's really paying attention to what they're saying and not trying to answer the question before it's or have your response prepared prior to them finishing whatever it is they're saying, because then you're not really listening in the first place so another thing, and we'll talk here's.

Speaker 2:

Here's the last one. Yeah, number six is decision making oh yeah right and the standards around that. You don't need the consensus to choose yourself right. You don't need the consensus to choose yourself right. You don't need the approval from other people to choose yourself. That is something you have to trust yourself on. You know more than ever. Trust yourself with that.

Speaker 1:

No more like group votes or decisions On what direction you're when it comes to life decisions.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and and honestly and this was a big one for me is trusting your gut. That is very valid. That is very valid.

Speaker 1:

So this is where I actually I will bounce things off of my two closest people really. I will definitely bounce things off of them, because I know that you guys will give it to me straight yeah, if I'm not seeing something correctly or if I'm unsure of something. It's not really about trying to validate the direction I'm going. It's really more about making sure that I'm listening and hearing something correctly.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and sometimes, yeah, you really have to pay attention and listen to your gut. You're like is this me telling myself or is this my gut giving me that sense? And there is a difference.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and your partners are great, Obviously if you're making big life decisions and you have a partner you are going to be talking through, hopefully, those life decisions with your partner, because they affect your partner too.

Speaker 1:

Now, that doesn't mean that you're going to always get the support that you need, and even if it's your partner, you're not going to necessarily always get the support you need. It's your partner, you're not going to necessarily always get the support you need, and so you have to really kind of prepare for that and understand that. Regardless, if it's something you feel so strongly about, you are speaking about it with conviction. Whatever the case may be that you can bounce things off of people, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they're making a decision right right and maybe they're judging the decisions you're making.

Speaker 2:

You have to stand strong with the direction you want to go. There will always be that. Yeah, there will always be judgment from others in regard to the decisions you make. That is something that I have learned, yeah, and you just have to know how to be okay with that you know, so we can't please all the people all the time, and that's not why I'm here, here.

Speaker 1:

So you spicy sisters out there, I guess, it's your turn right. Yeah, spicy, yeah. If this episode has sparked anything in you, just follow along, act on the things that we've talked about. You know, maybe pick an area of your life, whether it's work or friendships, wellness you know the boundaries that we talked about. You know whatever it is and upgrade one of those standards that we've discussed.

Speaker 2:

For example, say no to something and don't feel guilty about it. Yep Right, speak up If you're in a setting where normally, maybe, you don't speak up, whether it's at work or in some type of social setting speak up.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, surprise the hell out of all of them. Just try it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, or if it's you know you are engaging in a conversation that maybe is somewhat emotionally draining, it's okay to just like I just gave that example. It's okay to just like I just gave that example, you know, and it's okay to express how you're feeling. You're not taking it this way. We're gonna walk away from it. I want to continue, but just not now. Let's take some time and come back to it.

Speaker 1:

It's okay, give yourself permission to walk away from a conversation that's totally okay, and I think there is a big difference between walking away from something because you're kind of holding on to your sanity and maybe communicating about that and avoiding. Yeah, oh sure, yeah now going back to the whole thing about, about work and stuff like that, I would think that I I think that I have really dove into things work-wise, project-wise, whatever it was, to avoid a lot of the other stuff that was happening. Just I don't know why.

Speaker 1:

I just thought of that as a little side note yeah, but my venturing guess is some of you out there might be doing the same thing and you know it, but you're not admitting it to yourself. I just admitted it out loud. So now you can do it.

Speaker 2:

There you go. Just do it too, say no without guilt, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Say no without guilt, yeah. So, and that kind of goes back to that like starting a project. Things like that are things that have to do with setting standards for you. It's like I am going to do this by X date. Keep your promise to yourself, whatever it is. Maybe it's a specific hike you want to go on. Maybe you want to learn about different types of dance, Maybe you want to go pole dancing who knows?

Speaker 2:

Belly dancing.

Speaker 1:

Belly dancing, whatever it's like. Whatever you want to do, that's going to be the way you want to express yourself, or what is going to help you learn more about yourself. Feel like you're going to be able to do that without having a lot of judgment around you, and just be strong about it.

Speaker 2:

You know, I can't wait to hear some of these things that all these beautiful midlife women are going to share with us, because, jules and I, we're definitely going to be building a community around this, building a sisterhood where you don't have to be afraid to talk about some of this stuff and really share and get experiences amongst each other. So just know that that is coming and we're super excited about that because I think, as women, we all have a lot to gain from each other. You don't have to do this alone, right? And you know we we have been there, done that, and that that's a whole part of what this, this podcast, is and what the community will be. So more to come on that, stay tuned. You can find us out on all the socials. We are on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us on TikTok and even YouTube, if you like and listen on whatever your favorite podcast platform is. You will find the Spicy Midlife Women podcast there. So thank you so much for listening.

Speaker 1:

Yep, and let us know what standards you're thinking about raising. Just really put some thought into it. Look at one thing that you want to do differently and let us know, dm us, let us know. We would love to hear about it. We want to celebrate it and we want to amplify your progress and really share it with other people in our community. So love it. Yeah, midlife it's not a crisis ladies.

Speaker 2:

No, it's not. It's your comeback era. It's spicy.

Speaker 1:

Yep and let it set the tone.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we're going to make it that way.

Speaker 1:

Yep All right Until next week stay spicy. Bye, ladies, bye.