Spicy Midlife Women: Real Talk, Raw Truth, and Bold Moves for Women Over 40

10. Lingerie and Spicing it Up in Midlife

• Episode 10

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In this spicy, intimate, and empowering episode, Jules and Michele dive into the world of lingerie—yes, sexy lingerie—and how it’s about so much more than the bedroom. From confidence boosts to self-care rituals, they share personal stories and laugh-out-loud memories (granny panties included) while inviting women in midlife to reconnect with their sensuality, style, and self-worth. Whether you’re buying your first matching set or rediscovering your sexy after divorce, this one’s for you.


What You’ll Learn:

  • Why lingerie is not just about sex or pleasing someone else
  • How wearing sexy undergarments can instantly shift your mood and confidence
  • Why investing in quality lingerie is a form of self-care
  • How body changes in midlife affect how lingerie fits, and how to adapt
  • Stories from Jules and Michele on boudoir photos, first-time lingerie, and post-divorce glow-ups
  • Why it’s time to ditch judgment (internal and external) around feeling sexy at any age


Questions Answered in This Episode:

  • Does lingerie really impact how I feel during the day?
  • Can sexy lingerie be empowering, even if no one sees it?
  • What’s the difference between daily comfort and special-occasion pieces?
  • How do I get started if I’ve never bought lingerie before?
  • Is it “too late” to rediscover my sensuality?
  • What if my partner doesn’t get it...or judges me for trying?

Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?!

Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and send a DM about what resonated most during this episode so they can encourage you with steps forward in your own life.

Speaker 1:

Hello everyone. This is Jules and Michelle here, two spicy midlife women sharing our real-life stories and having no BS conversations with you, Right, Michelle?

Speaker 2:

That's right. We're here to help you, midlife women, redefine relationships, ditch toxic cycles and reclaim your power.

Speaker 1:

one episode at a time, and we have a treat for you today because we have saved an episode to share with our spicy midlife women audience in regard to lingerie sexy lingerie just sexy lingerie, lingerie and relationships and all different things.

Speaker 2:

Lingerie so yeah, no, no granny panties, that is not spicy, that does not have any place for this podcast playground right, okay, fine, she's not wearing her granny Danny.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, we hope you guys enjoyed this episode.

Speaker 2:

So, julie, why don't you tell me what you got on underneath your clothes there right now?

Speaker 1:

Well, I've got a little black, little black number underneath my very somewhat see-through shirt, so you can kind of see it. We're going to call it sheer. It's a little bit sheer right shirt so you can kind of see it.

Speaker 1:

We're going to call it sheer. It's a little bit sheer, right, but a little black number underneath it so you can kind of see through it. This particular black number does not have lace, it's just a straight up like bandeau, but I know it's under there. You can kind of see it and I kind of like it on my afternoon that we're recording.

Speaker 2:

So I wanted to talk about that a little bit today because definitely for me and I think same for you sometimes, what we as women have going on underneath the outfit, the outward appearance, what we got happening underneath, definitely, definitely, has an effect on confidence 100% Sensuality sexiness, empowerment and even we're going to talk a little bit about the self-care, self-love aspect that you know we're just going to call it lingerie.

Speaker 2:

It doesn't necessarily mean it's a few different aspects about lingerie. It's not always about, you know, it's not always about sexy spicy in the bedroom, right, which. I think, is what a lot of people really think about with lingerie.

Speaker 1:

And I'm looking at it like lingerie is a way for us to feel more empowered, more in control, more female and sensual, really in any capacity or any way that we want to. Absolutely it doesn't have to be for someone else, it's for you, and when you feel more confident, that radiates into how you behave, how you carry yourself, how you walk and talk Even at 60,.

Speaker 2:

There is no age limit on sexy. No, I am here to tell you no.

Speaker 1:

No, I think as you get a little bit older, you might get a little bit more. Well, I know with me I've become a little bit more open to those things than I was when I was younger. Honestly, when I was younger I didn't even give a shit. I was like, just throw on whatever I need to wear, get out the door. There were times, definitely, when I had gone on lingerie sprays and gotten things that I wanted to get for myself and we all know that good stuff is not cheap. You want to get something that's going to be lasting and have really good quality lace on your body and that sort of thing, and it's not going to be inexpensive, but that might be the actual self-care treat you want for yourself. Going to be inexpensive, but that might be the actual self-care treat you want for yourself.

Speaker 1:

One thing I think to note, though, that's important is, as women, we have gone through many stages in our lives, and our listeners are going through a lot of these stages too. Right, they may be in just starting into menopause, they may have been completed, they may not have started it yet, so they may not understand a little bit about how their body's changing Could be nine months pregnant, oh yeah. And they have pretty maternity bras now too, which is crazy, which I love. They didn't have that when we were nursing and had our kids and everything. It was very hospital-looking stuff, drapey, yeah, and the granny panties were there looking stuff, and the granny panties were there. I mean, I remember having a conversation with someone at work and she was actually my boss, but we had a really good conversation about some stuff and I had never seen a thong before. I'd never worn a thong. I was probably 30, maybe 35.

Speaker 2:

Those women out there, a thong is a pair of panties, not things you put on your feet just to be clear.

Speaker 1:

And she was like oh yeah, they're awesome. It took me a little while to get used to it, because they definitely feel different, but now it's like I can't even it's weird to me to wear something else, because that's what I've become accustomed to over the years.

Speaker 1:

So you know the panty lines, but anyway, that's a whole nother topic. But I think what's important to note is our bodies are changing and the needs of our bodies are changing and how things fit is changing, and so things that I purchased eight years ago that are still beautiful pieces are not really working for me anymore. I don't care for them as much, they don't feel as comfortable, and so it gives me a good excuse, I guess, to go out and get a few new pieces. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Going into really big meetings or things where I knew that I needed to feel super confident and super empowered and wearing like super sexy, very comfortable, silky, yummy lingerie underneath my clothes Not like this, because I was obviously in a work setting. I knew it was there, I knew how it made me feel. Nobody else knew what was going to be my little pep in my step right, but I did, and that's all that, I needed 100%.

Speaker 2:

Ladies. If you haven't tried that, you've got to try it. Don't knock it Until you try it. You will see what we are talking about.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh, you guys, it's like, yeah, it's like you're walking around and you're like nobody knows what's going on underneath these clothes, but you at that time anyway. So you know, it just gives you a little bit of self-confidence, I think a little boost, on days where you feel like you might need it for whatever reason, and you know, from a self-care perspective it's the same. It's like you can wear those things underneath your clothes when you're going to the grocery store if you want to. Now there's no reason why you have to wear shitty looking lingerie. But there is comfortable lingerie and then there is lingerie that's maybe stuff that you would wear for occasions, right?

Speaker 2:

Like a vacation or anniversary, different things like that, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you know like we were talking about like a cute little lace bralette matching panties and kind of how that makes you feel lighthearted and playful and maybe a little flirty and stuff that might be a really wonderful thing to wear on a date night or, you know, as a little bit of foreplay for yourself yeah, even you know as you're kind of getting things going your person, yeah, so anyway, I love that yeah. Do you remember having a first lingerie? Like sexy lingerie purchase.

Speaker 2:

You know, I remember my first lingerie purchase. I was like 19, right, and I think and this is just me looking back at 19 year old Michelle, looking back at that I didn't know what the heck I was doing and sadly, I think a lot of stereotypical things that go along with lingerie and porn and stuff like that give you this idea that you know it's all about bedroom and sexy Cheap and sordid, yeah, what did you say?

Speaker 2:

Cheap and sordid, yeah, that, cheap and sordid. And know I the the first piece of lingerie honestly I ever bought. I was young, I was trying to impress, I knew nothing about anything, truly, and it was. It was, yeah, pink, as pink and as lacy and as flowery and fluffy, that you can get all the stereotypes wrapped up into one piece.

Speaker 1:

I'm pretty sure I think my first, my first lingerie like beautiful, pretty lingerie was at my bridal shower oh, when I was what. 23 I didn't have. I don't recall. I mean I didn't really have the money to be running around buying like beautiful lingerie and at that point I did work at Nordstrom, so I probably saw a lot of pretty lingerie. But I remember receiving this from one of the bridal showers and going, holy shit, this is kind of cool stuff and but I really didn't know how to wear it, where to wear it.

Speaker 2:

I know that sounds really simplistic, but when you're 23 years old a bit when we were 23 years old it's like my fiance didn't really care about it that much either. Couldn't see all the examples out there online and get all that information. Yeah, so mine was cheap and sorted and Julie's was a little more, you know on there, because she was getting married. I was young, cheap and sorted. She was older and getting married.

Speaker 1:

My poly was cheap and sorted atid at one point too, Don't worry.

Speaker 2:

You're not alone, Then honestly, after that, I mean, I was married by the time I was 22. I got married when I was 21.

Speaker 1:

Oh God, and you went straight into maternity stuff.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and because I, yeah, I was pregnant and then got married in that order and you know, so, definitely Good Mormon girl, okay, sorry, and that's how that happened, and yeah. So then I'm wearing maternity tents because that's how it was back then and wasn't feeling sexy in any way, shape or form, honestly, didn't even know how to go about that, and so it wasn't until much later that I got something and it was honestly, truly there were different lingerie things throughout, but it wasn't until I was single again and divorced that I really kind of felt the power of what a beautiful piece could feel like underneath for myself, right outside of what was showing on the outside. 100%, if that makes sense, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

I mean my, so same exact same thing and I remember, you know, the stuff we had was very practical. I didn't really pay too much attention, I mean, I thought I was just so cute. Anyway, it wouldn't even matter, which is kind of hilarious when I think back on. You know, the big earring, the 80s, you guys.

Speaker 2:

I don't know what else to tell you, but I did not.

Speaker 1:

I encountered the thong, so, but that's not like it's lingerie, and it definitely made me feel better. I didn't have panty lines and so my butt was cuter probably too right.

Speaker 1:

So there was that. But, to your point, until I was divorced, I did not give myself permission really to go out and experience or explore this stuff, and we had been around it Spend the money on it. Yeah, well, we had been around it because we worked in retail. I mean, I saw all this people. I worked in the loss prevention area. People stole a lot of this really pretty stuff. So I saw a lot of these things that were out there, but never really thought about it for myself and I was not in a mindset, I don't think, where I felt like that was something that I I was not in a place in my life where it would have made a difference for me, right, which is, I think, a lot of where our listeners are.

Speaker 1:

There might be a lot of listeners out there that are kind of feeling this way and don't feel empowered and don't feel like they have control over their bodies. And this is one way, ladies, that you can do all of those things. You're not hurting anybody. There's no judgment behind it. Well, I think that might be part of it too. Anybody, there's no judgment behind it? Well, I think that might be part of it too. There is judgment, or you're thinking there's perceived judgment behind making yourself feel better with pretty lingerie, like you're trying to sex someone up or something, and it's not about that at all. So you got to let the haters hate and just go, do you, you know?

Speaker 2:

You are in charge, no matter what the situation is right, and just if you haven't you're, you are in charge, no matter what the situation is Right, right and just if you haven't tried it, try it.

Speaker 1:

Well, I went to so my first as an adult lingerie experience. So I was dating someone who was really into that stuff and so it was kind of fun for me because I was able to. I mean, I knew that he kind of liked it and so I was able to kind of go out and explore and it was like a whole different side of myself I had never encountered before, really in the same way.

Speaker 2:

And with sex toys I mean, yeah, a whole other episode, a whole other episode, same kind of thing.

Speaker 1:

That was all taboo stuff to talk about too. Again, generationally, I think, when we start seeing there's a lot of commonalities with our listeners and what we're talking about because they're probably going, oh hell, yeah, I didn't even know what that was. I mean, we know people like that right now, yep so. But I went to this. It was a specialty lingerie store that had just unique pieces. It wasn't like pieces that were going to be like everybody else was wearing right, I didn't do that on purpose, it just happened to be where I went. It was a little bougie lingerie store and I don't know how much money I spent there, but I probably spent four or five hundred bucks on a couple well, it was enough stuff where I could.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I was definitely reloading right on sexy pieces and I still have some of the garters. I got some garters and really pretty matching bras and panties and things like that, and I had so much fun with it. Yeah, I had so much fun with it.

Speaker 2:

Well, speaking of that, so that's that purchase that you were talking about. What about boudoir, have you? Experienced that, or do you know about that? Yes, yes, actually Tell our listeners, because I know you do. I'm just asking the question so you can tell our listeners a little bit about that so I don't know if you guys out there are familiar with boudoir photography.

Speaker 1:

I had run across it again after I got divorced so this is all, and I am totally rediscovering my sexuality, or discovering it frankly you know, rediscovering a lot of things about being a woman and what that entailed and I't.

Speaker 1:

So all of a sudden I didn't have these boundaries right and so I was kind of like feeling a little bit like I needed to sneak around and figure these things out because I should know these the should word, you know, should know a lot of these things by then. I don't recall how I came across this woman, but there was a woman who was doing boudoir photography in this beautiful old building in one of the suburbs of Seattle called Ballard Old, old, like 120-year-old building or something, and she had the most cool setup because they did first of all, told you what to bring for the photo shoot. She said you know, whatever lingerie you want to bring, definitely bring white, which I thought was kind of odd. But okay, bring white, bring black, bring whatever you want. So that was actually why I think I had gone to get that lingerie.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and did this boudoir photo session and I was like holy shit, I could not believe. I was like, wow, that's me. And she didn't really touch the pictures up. She said she would, she would soften things up up a little bit, but I really wanted it to be natural. Yeah, more like me with you know, but I mean, she, she softened up a little. She softened up a little bit, but it's definitely me, yeah, you know it's me. And they did your hair and then. And then they had things there that you could try on over, you know, like these, like lace things or like these net thing, just sexy stuff, you know, and different setups and I put a whole, I did a photo shoot and then came back, like was gone for an hour or whatever, had some lunch, came back and then went through all of the photos with her and then chose whatever photos I was going to keep and she put them in a book for me and gave me a thumb drive and and yeah.

Speaker 1:

Oh my God, it's like I totally want to do it again, Because that was maybe, I don't know eight years ago.

Speaker 2:

Two women that have done that and absolutely loved it and definitely you know confidence.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, Not that until then anyway, but yeah, yeah. So it was a wonderful experience and I would highly recommend it for women who want to get out there and really kind of explore their sensuality and explore things that they maybe have been embarrassed to explore. Yeah. Yeah, I put pictures up, but I think that I better not yeah probably not. Yeah, I put pictures up, but I think that I better not yeah, probably not, yeah, probably not.

Speaker 2:

I'll just, I think you've seen them right. Undercover moments that continue with the confidence.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you didn't have like a lingerie-ish purchase experience. You had a different type of hoo-ha experience, right, that was like getting in preparation for lingerie.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, the first time I ever got a Brazilian wax, that was a confidence booster, just like you're talking about, with the matching sexy lingerie that you wear during these, even for work. I just remember getting that Brazilian wax. And then, yeah, I wore a dress and heels. I was working at Nordstrom, but I tell you what I was walking around the store that day with a different pep in my step. I was feeling very good and felt like I was walking straighter. You know all the things, all the confidence, all the things, yeah, and feeling sexy. So that's definitely. That was kind of my aha Ooh, this is I like this. Like rancor, definitely that was kind of my aha Ooh, this, this is I like this.

Speaker 1:

Like right there, yeah, so anyway. Well, that that's, that's kind of how it goes. So, anyway, I don't know if you had any other thoughts on this or that you wanted to share.

Speaker 2:

I just think you know, as Julie and I were talking about some of this stuff and, and you know, lingerie is not always about, you know, sex I think it's always associated with that. There's a whole. This whole other side of it I think is super important and the things, the emotions that can make women feel, how it can help with how they're acting and just really that empowered feeling on that sense. And then as well you know self-care and you know something soft and satin giving you pause and just you can be at home wearing those things and just having it really wrap you up in love really and make you feel that way.

Speaker 1:

And that's the whole thing that we want to convey is that this is something that I feel like a lot of women have anticipated judgment around and so they don't talk about it. It's like sex toys, like we were going to go back to that again, not on this episode, but on another. They don't talk about it, they're embarrassed, they would feel humiliated if anyone knew they were even talking about it. And to me it's like I understand that girl, I understand that woman because I was that person. And now I'm kind of at that place in my life where I'm like if you don't like it, tough shit. No, it's like.

Speaker 1:

And if you're like, say, you know you're with a partner who thinks it's weird, then you really have to kind of have your partner reevaluate why they would think that's weird. I mean, you've been married for a long time and there's nothing going on there. They might think it's odd. They might think you're cheating on them or something. You know, when you're trying to kind of rediscover your sexuality or rediscover your sensuality or what you bring to the table, and so there's some education that's got to go along with that for your person to do.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you can like what we're talking about. It's about much more than just appearance, right? It's about feeling good in your own skin, reconnecting with your sensuality just like you did with the boudoir session and all of those things and using it as a tool for empowerment and confidence. I think is a whole other way of looking at lingerie. Whether it's for intimate moments or every day just to treat yourself, or their own personal intimate moments, it can definitely be a key element in embracing the beauty of each stage in life. And that's my story and I'm sticking to it. So you know what.

Speaker 1:

You're worthy. I think it goes back to being worthy and you're worth it. And so if you're investing money in going out to buy a blouse, buy something pretty to go underneath it and treat yourself. It's okay, it's really okay. Treat yourself. So on that note.

Speaker 2:

That's it. I just hope everybody got a little something from this and until next time ladies, yeah, have a good one.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for joining us today. Bye, Peace out.