Spicy Midlife Women: Real Talk, Raw Truth, and Bold Moves for Women Over 40
Spicy Midlife Women is the ultimate podcast for women over 40 who are rewriting the rules of midlife, breaking free from relationship drama, and leaving toxic patterns behind.
It’s all about embracing authenticity, building meaningful connections, and living unapologetically through candid conversations, hard-earned wisdom, and raw truth.
Hosted by Jules and Michele, two midlife women with real stories and no-BS advice, the Spicy MidLife Women Podcast will guide you in redefining relationships, breaking free from what's holding you back, and reclaiming your power—one episode at a time!
Prepare to get clear on what you really want in your relationships—whether it’s romance, family, or friendships, let go of past baggage and open yourself up to the possibility of fresh, exciting connections.
You’ll also gain the wisdom and confidence to approach dating and relationships with confidence and zero judgment, and feel empowered to ditch outdated expectations, creating a life that truly feels good on your own terms.
Plus, find a supportive sisterhood along the way—because you don’t have to do this alone!
Spicy Midlife Women: Real Talk, Raw Truth, and Bold Moves for Women Over 40
11. Why Friendships in Midlife Matter More Than Ever
In this episode, Jules and Michele dive into a real-talk conversation on Why Friendships in Midlife Matter More Than Ever. From ride-or-die besties to seasonal connections, they open up about how friendship shifts over the years—and why staying connected (even in small ways) can be a game-changer during this stage of life. Whether you’ve got a tight tribe or feel like you’re starting from scratch, this episode will help you feel seen and remind you that it’s never too late to find your people.
QUESTIONS ANSWERED WITHIN THIS EPISODE:
- Why do midlife friendships feel different than they did in our 20s or 30s?
- What makes a ride-or-die friendship so powerful—and rare?
- How do you stay connected when life gets “lifey”?
- Is it okay to outgrow certain friendships as we get older?
- What’s the difference between seasonal friends and your true inner circle?
- How can you be more intentional about making new friends in midlife?
- What simple habit can help you reconnect with the people who matter?
Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?!
Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and send a DM about what resonated most during this episode so they can encourage you with steps forward in your own life.
Hey, hey, all you midlife women out there, jules and Michelle here, two spicy midlife women sharing our real life stories, having no BS conversations, right, jules? Yeah, I guess so.
Speaker 2:That's right. We're here to help all of you midlife women redefine your relationships. Ditch where's my mind been, ditch those toxic cycles and reclaim our power, one episode at a time. So let's get into it, and we're not going to talk about dicks anymore, michelle. What are we talking about?
Speaker 1:We are going to talk today about midlife friendships and why they're not just nice to have, but they are absolutely essential. I would agree, don't you think?
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, here we are, you and I. Here we are. It's very platonic, just FYI, not that it would matter, but it is very platonic. When you think back to your younger days, you know as a child or even going into your, you know teenage years and things like that.
Speaker 2:We all had friends like our neighborhood friends, for example or people that have really defined us in some capacity or another, like I had one girl that was in my neighborhood that I spent all my time with, that was two years older than me, that I just idolized. And there was another one that was four years older than me who I also idolized, who she's, the one that taught me like about your period and taught me about, like you know, all of the stuff that goes along with those things, and explaining it from a 16 year old girl's perspective as opposed to you know a mom's perspective you know that kind of thing yeah, and then you know your ones, you develop through school and you know into college, and then isn't it?
Speaker 1:I mean, because just when you say the ones you develop in school you know, I have a handful that at the time you think they are lifers. Yeah right, don't know what you'd do without them. They're like your very best friend, the be all, end all, tell everything to. And then when you graduate from high school and you're starting to do all the different things, it's like a whole other phase, right? Yeah, no, that's very true.
Speaker 2:I had a couple of very well, mary was my obviously my bestie all through when I was 13 on, but there was a period of time when we were seniors where we didn't speak. We got in a fight about something, Maybe it was junior year, I don't remember, it doesn't matter but I moved out of our locker, moved in with one of the wrestlers who's a good friend of mine still to this day, but I guess my point is.
Speaker 2:And then you pick up where you left off so during that period of time it's like I developed other friendships. There was a couple of girls that I spent so much time with. We were very, very close and then, after we graduated, I was in their weddings and you know, and then you kind of get into the early teenage year or early 20s or whatever. Young adults, yeah. And then people are having babies and then you just kind of like lose track of each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know that happens, you know, with a lot of our friendships, because we put obviously our families first. Sure, you know, it's kind of like when people are dating and they're, you know, not seriously in a relationship and then all of a sudden they are and then you don't see them anymore.
Speaker 1:Well, and then fast forward to what we're talking about here today and what's happening in midlife. Yeah, okay, it's this empty nest thing that starts going on and careers change. We've experienced that.
Speaker 2:You're married and you look at your person and go holy shit, now what am I going to do with them?
Speaker 1:Well, and you have parents and they're starting to age as women. We go through the whole menopause situation and perimenopause and that's a whole thing.
Speaker 2:I forgot. What is it?
Speaker 1:Oh please, I'm just joking, because being in menopause hit it. So, just based on those things, midlife can seem, I think, for women very isolating.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're running a lot of parallel lines, you know, with there's not a lot of overlapping In my mind. A lot of us, what we're doing is we're just, we have our eye on the prize. You're kind of like a racehorse, right, you're coming out the gate and you're just focused on the end and it's like there's all this stuff that happens in the middle, yeah, but it's like you're just, you're going over the hurdles.
Speaker 1:We were raised to do that Raised to do it all Right. We could do it all.
Speaker 2:It's that superwoman syndrome which I don't know if, like I feel generationally, like that is definitely the way we were raised. Yeah, we were raised and now you're starting to see people that are younger than us, like in their, you know, 50, early 50s, maybe in their 40s, that are looking at it totally different Because they have the relationships are different too. They're not so patriarchal, you know. The relationships are maybe more leveled out where we've got partners that are, you know, sharing responsibilities in a different way.
Speaker 2:But whether we agree or not, I don't know, but I still think, even in spite of yeah clothes they wear.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:It's like you just know more. That's all part of being a mom, yeah, and in my mind says I think about. It's like you want to be a good mom, right, you want to be attentive and be there for your children, and sometimes the friendships that you have made go by the wayside a little bit because they're doing the same thing. But what I've noticed with friendships is if you take and compare them side by side, say, for example, to a romantic relationship, romantic relationships, in my opinion, need constant nurturing, constant communication. It's a different type of relationship but it needs constant, whereas with friendships there are friendships you've developed with people that you have known for years but maybe haven't seen in five years. And you've developed with people that you have known for years but maybe haven't seen in five years, and you can literally pick up where you left off.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because the expectations of those friendships are going to be different than, say, of a romantic relationship. So, like my friend who lives in Idaho, I mean we've known each other since we were 21 years old. I hadn't seen her in almost 10 years and she, you know, we kind of reconnected in person and, you know, seen a lot of each other since then but there was no ill will, there was no malice. I wasn't upset with her, she wasn't upset with me. Life just was lifing, you know. So we'd call and talk to each other and things like that, but there wasn't time to do much else.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, and it was fine, well, and I think, because it's like that for the others that we're friends with, yeah, there's that understanding and that's why you're able to, you know, do that. I have friends like that too.
Speaker 1:It's like we just pick up where we left off, like, to your point, life gets real lifey and we're all just doing our own things, and then, when we talk, we just like catch up and it's all good. I think part of that, though, is is when you get to midlife you've kind of come through a lot of things and you're not dealing, you're not putting up with bullshit anymore, right, right, and so I think that those friendships tend to be more intentional.
Speaker 1:Any new friendships that you bring on, yes, very intentional if they happen and there's there's a sense of, I don't know, there's less drama, if you will. Typically I'm going to say typically, because that's not always the case, but I think for me, the friendships that I allow and that I have in my life, there is less drama. There's still some drama, but only if you let it be that, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I think I think, with with friendships and in midlife or you know, as we will, as we've gotten older, I'm obviously lot of times it ended up being people that I worked with, because I spent so much time around work that you had that commonality. You know your kids in common, you had your work in common, that sort of thing, and you know, developing friendships outside of that would have been maybe you know from your church or maybe from you know grade school or what have you. But you know, I look at those friendships now, some of those that I had developed, like through my work, and I'm still really pretty good friends with a couple of them, a couple of people that I knew well, maybe a few more than a couple, but they're not necessarily like inner circle people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we've talked about this on an episode in the past. Like your tribe, yeah, right, and I think in midlife, there definitely is a differ, there's a difference, differential I was trying to use a fancy word, but there's definitely a difference between who your tribe is truly and then who, what friends you have, right, there's, like friends in that hour. I have a lot of friends, yeah, but my, my true tribe and my people, yeah, that really get me and that I will, you know, allow in there.
Speaker 2:There's, there's not as many, that's, that's a smaller circle with afterward or, you know, probably not, but that's not what I'm there for. But that would be a logical place to meet people to be friends with, right, or like I'm going to start picking up pickleball again and I'm sure I'll meet people there and we're all kind of in that same stage of our lives in some respects. But they're probably not people that I'm going to, you know, like, be doing a ton of social stuff with. But these are all places where you are potentially meeting other people, but a lot of it comes through your kids and the parents of the kids and the schools and things like that, and they may be people that stay in your life or they may be people that are just there for a season.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and we've talked about the seasonal friendships versus long term friendships and it's OK for you to evaluate where you're at with your friendships and if you're a better person because of the people that you're choosing to spend your life around, your time around, or vice versa, if you're helping people benefit in their lives by being their friend, then it's in that regard. So I think about that stuff a lot Because, like I said, I don't have a huge like outer inner circle and I have to feel like the people that are in my inner circle are going to accept me and tell me what's on their mind, no matter what, and that's just how I look at it, but that's not necessarily how everybody else looks at it right that we have, and I think it's important in midlife to be able to make time with people, because that matters.
Speaker 2:More as you get older.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and your ride or dies aren't always that's what makes it your ride or dies, because they're more understanding and so things might not always work out and you can pick, can pick up where you left off, all the things that we've been talking about. But then you know, on the in between it's okay, like to go out of your way to schedule time, maybe for a walk or go get coffee. Might not be your ride or die, but it's just nurturing, nurturing friendships and and fostering that and having, you know, having that time with others in your life that are at the same point, that you can relate with.
Speaker 1:I think it's really important to not just isolate yourself because your ride or die is not available, right Right, it doesn't mean you're going to have these you know in-depth conversations like you would with that person, know in-depth conversations like you would with that person. But just being able to spend time with like-minded people in that type of midlife community, I think is important and you know you should go out of your way to do that for yourself to be able to spend time, not alone if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, I like spending time alone. I mean reflective time alone. But to your point. I think, there's got to be a good balance. I was going to ask you a question what are your thoughts on being in midlife and having or not having a ride or die, like if you're in midlife and you don't have a ride or die? I think that would feel kind of lonesome.
Speaker 1:Well, that's because you have a ride or die.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So you would know what that comparison would be. But if somebody doesn't, I think if somebody doesn't have that ride or die person, or they haven't had that ride or die type friendship, you don't know what you don't know. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:It's just like anything else, I suppose even a romantic relationship. You can see really good, solid romantic relationships. You want to strive for that, you know, if you're going to want to get into a relationship but it's you don't. If you don't have it, then you're kind of looking at it going. I really wish I did have something like that. It's the same thing in my mind with a friendship. If you don't have, I think it's really really special and unique and not necessarily something that everyone has the benefit of, and that is having that no holds barred person in your corner. You know, maybe it's a family member instead, who's also, you know, could also be a family member. That's maybe like your sister or something like that. That is, they're your ride or dies because they're your family anyway.
Speaker 2:For the most part, but someone who's maybe not a family member, but I think too, not again.
Speaker 1:Not everybody, you know, has the benefit of that in their family. Not everybody has had the benefit of having that going through life, based on whatever the circumstances are, are there's nothing really, I think and this is just me to feel like they're missing out on because they don't have that. Maybe they don't have it yet and their ride or die is from 50 to 90.
Speaker 2:Yeah, could be Do you see what I mean? Could very well be. It could also be their significant other.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it might be something that is coming later in life. And that's where I guess, when I talk about you know, just making the time to go on a walk might not be your ride or die, but just like going outside of what you're used to and maybe having new connections and going to have wine, whatever it is with somebody and, like to what I just said, maybe that ends up being your ride or die from 50 to 90. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2:See, I kind of feel like I mean, I have the benefit of that I've been blessed with that I've got you, I feel like I'm one of the luckiest people alive because I have had that, those experiences and I continue to and you guys still put up with me, which is amazing in and of itself but it's like if I didn't have those experiences, I would be such a different person. Yeah, I really, and I wouldn't know any different.
Speaker 1:Like you said, you can reflect on that because you have them and you try to imagine life without that and it seems very different. It does, it seems really empty you know, and anyway.
Speaker 2:so I just I wish that for everyone who's? Listening is, if you do have that type of a friendship, that you understand how blessed you are to have you know that person in your life and that you take good care of them.
Speaker 1:And if you don't, it just means you haven't come across it yet.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just know what you're looking for, and it doesn't necessarily have to mean that you're compatible on all fronts in terms of, you know, being a friend. It's like you don't all have to do the same thing.
Speaker 1:That's part of the fun actually when you're so different. I know my good friend same thing that we've been friends since we were 13. We're so different, our life paths are so different, but when we spend time together, yeah, it's just us, it's who we are and it's always, you know, fun to go outside of the everyday, you know humdrum of life, and just be the friends that we've been for so long.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I would love to throw a challenge out there Do it. And this is actually something that I have done. So it's not like I'm saying, do this and I haven't done it, and I haven't done it recently. I just actually grabbed something today to work on it. But I think it's a wonderful thing if you're able to take a little bit of time out of your week. It doesn't have to be every day. Maybe you choose once a week and you send like a handwritten note to one of your friends or to someone who you find to be very special.
Speaker 2:It doesn't have to be a friend, be a family member, whatever, but people that are in your life that you have a need to or have a desire to reconnect with or to stay connected to. Maybe it's a phone call, maybe it's a voice message, maybe it's a text, maybe it is an email you know maybe it's a card.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, but it's something really simple. You know I was thinking about you and you know I saw this picture of da-da-da-da-da. It made me think of you and I just wanted to say hello. Whatever the case may be, Having people reach out and tell you that they were thinking about you is the best feeling ever.
Speaker 2:It means a lot, as you know your thoughts as a priority, so I would encourage everybody to try that maybe it's just once a week, you know it doesn't have to take a ton of your time, but the feeling that you have when you connect with somebody you know and it's not expected, it's not something that is on the table all the time or they're waiting for you to do is the best feeling ever yeah, so I would really encourage you know all of you out there to try something like that and see if that makes a difference.
Speaker 1:I love that and, if you feel so inclined, check us out on social media. We're out there on Facebook, instagram, all the socials and leave us a comment, because we're on there talking about all the episodes every week. Would love to hear from you.
Speaker 2:And what you find to be so important about midlife friendship. Yeah, I'd love to hear about that. Yeah, so.
Speaker 1:We're here every week. We drop a new episode every Monday. You can find us on whatever your podcast platform is that you love to listen on your podcast playground platform, yeah. So thanks for listening everybody and until next week, stay spicy Bye.
Speaker 2:Bye.