Spicy Midlife Women: Real Talk, Raw Truth, and Bold Moves for Women Over 40

24. Redefining The Word "Spicy" in Midlife

• Jules and Michele: Midlife Mentors • Episode 24

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Think “spicy midlife woman” means something sexy or scandalous? Think again. In this episode, Julee and Michele are redefining what spicy truly means and it’s so much deeper than surface-level heat.

They share real, no-BS reflections on what it means to step into your confidence, embrace playfulness, and live unapologetically in midlife. From saying “hell no” to toxic cycles and rigid expectations to rediscovering joy, dance, silver hair, and red lipstick — this one’s a bold reminder that spice is a mindset, not an age.

You’ll hear them chat about:

  • The real meaning behind “Spicy Midlife Women”
  • How life experiences shape your strength, confidence, and voice
  • Breaking free from people-pleasing and living for yourself
  • Why confidence (and authenticity) are the sexiest things about you
  • Fun ways to add more spice to your daily life

Join the conversation, laugh along, and remember: being spicy isn’t about being sexy — it’s about being you, fully and unapologetically.

Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?!

Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and send a DM about what resonated most during this episode so they can encourage you with steps forward in your own life.

SPEAKER_01:

Hey all you spicy ladies out there, Jules and Michelle here from Seattle, Washington. And we are here to share our real life stories with all of you and have no BS conversations about all different kinds of topics, right, Michelle?

SPEAKER_00:

That's right. No BS conversations. Here to help all you midlife women redefine your relationships, ditch those toxic cycles, and reclaim your power one episode at a time.

SPEAKER_01:

And we are going to get into a very good topic today. What we really want everybody to walk away from is our topic of our podcast is spicy midlife women, which we are, but really we want to try to define what that means a little bit more because some people really kind of correlate that to being sexually spicy.

SPEAKER_00:

Some of our friends call us out. I know.

SPEAKER_01:

They say, yeah, like that's where we're going. And we're like, clearly they're not our people.

SPEAKER_00:

In regard to what it is we are putting out there and the why behind we're doing it. Yeah. Because we both have been through a lot in our lives, just as many of you have. And to be a spicy midlife woman, I think what part of that is what we've gained through the journey.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. Well, and that's the whole thing, Michelle. I I feel like as we've gotten to the place in our lives now where and we're seeing a lot of women, we have no idea how many women there were out there that really resonate with our message. Yeah. They are spicy. They've been through things in their lives that have given them courage, that have given them the ability to really speak up for themselves without a filter. And to feel confident. Yeah. And it's like, and honestly, had they not been through the things that they'd been through, perhaps those qualities that they possess now or the things that they're striving for would not really be there. That's what's so cool about it.

SPEAKER_00:

I was gonna just gonna say that. That's the beautiful thing about it. And when you're younger and you look at older women and you think, oh, what's it gonna be like when we get to that point? And the beautiful part is where you get to, there's no end to that journey. You just grow through it, you pick things up along the way to help you later, and you don't even know you're doing it. Right. Well it's so true. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Let's talk clothes for a sec, just as an example.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, there are so many different trends out there, and trends that are really they correlate more to maybe what we would view as younger people, and there's different ways to rock those trends that are appropriate to your comfort level or appropriate to what you want. Now, if you wanted to rock the Daisy Dukes, I'm not gonna be the one to tell you not to. I personally would not do that. Yeah, but I'll rock a really cute pair of jean cut off shorts, yeah, you know, or a tank top or something, but maybe not have my girls out. I mean, there's I just do things maybe a little bit differently. And you might even think to some degree that I'm even kind of conservative, believe it or not. I've been told that and I'm like, oh my gosh. And I I think perhaps I have been in my past very, I would say rigid almost to some degree. Very yeah, oh, I was. I could see that. I I really needed to get the stick out of my ass. I mean, let's just be real. It's like, and I was very, I wouldn't say set in my ways, but I were lived really, really within a box.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, and I think that's part of when we're living. I can look back anyways, and you see that in many ways you're living your life for others. Yes. And I still do that in a different way, though.

SPEAKER_01:

Purposeful, it's more intentional.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's more intentional. You're doing it just to your point because you want to. Right. Uh and at the same time, though, you're doing all the things needed for yourself, right? To keep yourself full in that way.

SPEAKER_01:

So I guess there are times when we could say we were, quote, spicy when we were younger before our you know, 40s, whatever. For me, I think it was something that I was trying to build along the way. I think the best way to describe it is I feel sometimes, and looking back on my life in my 30s and probably into my early 40s and stuff, where I felt like I was on the outside watching my life unfold in front of me. Like I wasn't almost even a part of it because I was so into all the other stuff that I was doing, taking care of all the other people, the work expectations, all of that stuff that I kind of didn't leave time for me to learn how to I got spicy through the journey. Did you?

SPEAKER_00:

I got yeah, I wouldn't say that I was spicy at all earlier on.

SPEAKER_01:

You're very reserved. In a lot of ways, people really come across you and they think you're so reserved. And yeah, I gotta tell you, people, this girl is not reserved when it comes to certain things, but others, you would think that she has, you know, a barefoot pregnant pearls on and meeting her guy at the door with his slippers. Yeah, I mean, there's definitely I make the sandwich. You make the sandwich. I make the sandwich. But see, I would make the sandwich too, you know. Yeah, it's not like you're waiting on somebody or there's this expectation, but you know, it's like you want someone to make the sandwich for you too. Of course, you know, that's so it's like a little balance.

SPEAKER_00:

That's where the spice, but like I said, I I think I got spicy through the journey because of all the experiences, right? And you learn those things, you're making the sandwich, but at the same time, demanding the sandwich be made for you all at the same time, you know.

SPEAKER_01:

So is it demanding or is it kind of like I wouldn't say expectation because I try not to use that word, but it's more kind of like you just naturally would assume that you're being taken care of.

SPEAKER_00:

But you don't want to assume either. Well, you could get into a rabbit hole with that, yeah, the whole thing, because demanding, assuming, you know, expecting, those are all very dangerous things, I think, when it comes to now we're diving into a little bit of a relationship thing. But when I say demanding, I don't mean outwardly demanding, but you know, I make the sandwich, really knowing that the sandwich is going to be made for me. Yeah, exactly. As well. Yeah, it's just kind of poor. It's not, when the sandwich is not being made as well, that's when you're kind of going, because you don't want to have the demand.

SPEAKER_01:

Anyway, like you're giving them the sandwich, they're not giving you back the sandwich. You know what I'm saying? It's like there's all kinds of areas that you could apply the sandwich to. Of course, yeah. Big sandwich, big or little sandwich to your life. But anyway, so where our podcast has come from and where we are in our lives is what we have kind of defined as spicy. And that doesn't mean that we're being overtly sexual. It doesn't mean that we are, you know, trying to get lots of attention out there with our looks or with the way we do anything. That's not really what this is all about. It's really about your soul, your personality.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, I Googled it once. We we put up a little something on our socials about that. Yeah. Speaking of socials, by the way, everybody, if you didn't know, we are over on TikTok now and we are having a ball with it. Yeah. TikTok, I wish I would have known more about what that whole experience, that culture, it's different. It's like over there. It's completely different than Instagram and Facebook, and not throwing any shade on those either. We love it there. But TikTok, go check us out, Spicy Midlife Women, over there on TikTok. And if you do, give us a follow and let us know you're there. Yeah, let us know you're there because, like I said, it's it's we've been having some fun.

SPEAKER_01:

And there's men in there too, I've noticed. But we're all across the US who are kind of feeling the same way we are, you know. And I'm like, oh my gosh, there's so many people out there that there's spicy people over there too.

SPEAKER_00:

Anyway, so yeah, side note, yeah. Side note, go check us out over there on on TikTok. But I Googled not too long ago what it means to be a spicy midlife woman. You know, what is a spicy midlife woman? And it was words like confident, unapologetic, authentic, those kinds of things. None of it came up referring to it in a sexual way. No, it was all about really confident words describing what a spicy midlife woman is. So I really kind of loved that. And our podcast came up too in the Google search. So that was kind of that was kind of cool. That was kind of a plus.

SPEAKER_01:

I think also kind of along with the words Michelle's talked about, the define, you know, being spicy in midlife. When you hear the words that you're saying, it's like people that don't really know us, for example, might perceive that to be kind of like we're all about us and forget everybody else. You know, we've done all that, we're not doing that. That's not what it's about either. I think the level of tenderness and caring and just, you know, the kind of passion we have for the things that we do, which obviously resonates with a lot of women out there because I see that there's a lot of women in the same place as we are. Yeah. They are kind of learning to appreciate the life experiences that they've had and not take themselves, not take themselves so seriously. Yeah. That's what I really got with a lot of. Yeah. And that's probably where we're at so much. It's like that's the spirit that I like to convey is that I mean, I kind of make a joke a lot of the time that I'm kind of immature for my age. Well, there's a little truth to that, but there's a lot of areas that I'm super mature. Yeah. You know, I take care of myself, I take care of myself.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I mean, really. I know. Yeah. And spicy is all the things we're talking about, but it can be sexy because confidence is sexy. Huge. Being unapologetic can be sexy. Like all those words that we were talking about, that can all be sexy wrapped up into one. So not sex, not porn. We're not talking about that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_01:

It's Michelle hasn't filmed any of those in quite some time now.

SPEAKER_00:

It's been a minute.

SPEAKER_01:

It's been a minute. They're all in the archives.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, but it you know, it's energy and all of that wrapped up into one spicy ball of fun.

SPEAKER_01:

So, like, what are give me some examples of things that like people could do in their 40s, 50s, in their 60s, whatever that could be some of those kind of life-altering decisions when they decide that they want to step out of their box.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I don't know. I don't think they need to be life altering too. There are those that can be, yeah, like starting a new business or something like that in in midlife. That can be pretty scary, but really exciting all at the same time. So it could be something like starting a new business, something like you did recently, and you took up dance lessons.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know what kind were they? What was it? It was West Coast Swing, kind of like it sounds like like old petticoat kind of shit. It's not like that at all. It's really very kind of sensual almost. And I really, really enjoyed it. It was just fun, you know, it was just kind of a fun thing to do. There weren't a lot of people that were really my demographic, I would say, there, but it didn't really seem to matter. And Seattle, a lot of men, but guys.

SPEAKER_00:

But I had a great time.

SPEAKER_01:

I had a great time this summer doing it.

SPEAKER_00:

So, like that, taking dance lessons. I know Julie pretty soon has a trip coming up. She's gonna be traveling solo. She's just like because she wants to, she found a group of women and she's going on singing. I'm not waiting around for some boyfriend to do it with me. I know, right? But it's a great time too, because of all the things that we have gained through the journey to become these spicy women. Yeah, it's then that we are able to be really knowledgeable, if you will. That's kind of a boring word, but say hell no to toxic relationships. And that's an episode. That's just not, yeah, and that's just not men or women partnership relationships. Toxic cycles can be family, those can be friendships, those can be romantic relationships, they can be partnerships in marriage, they can be parent-child, yeah, toxic relationships. So there's a lot of relationships, and I think so. That's another thing, saying no to those types of relationship, figuring out how to navigate those and being able to be okay with saying no.

SPEAKER_01:

And having the kind of learning the gracious boundaries that you can put up, and not you can say hell no, but you can also say hell no in a way to where it's well received.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, it's hell no to the toxic things. And to Julie's point, setting the boundaries and what that looks like to be able to still foster a relationship, but you're saying no to the toxic things, right?

SPEAKER_01:

You're putting kind of your mental health or your peace, I would say, first.

SPEAKER_00:

I think another thing, too, that I see a lot, I haven't yet, I haven't yet, but rocking the silver hair. I'm gonna call it silver. Yeah, I can't do the red lip. Yeah, I mean, you never do, I know I don't know why. Yeah, yeah. But I'm still spicy without it. But I think a lot of women, you know, at midlife and some of the things they do to make bold moves are letting that hair go. And they do it very sexy. Yeah. Let me tell you, I think now you're seeing it a lot more.

SPEAKER_01:

You've just seen a lot more. Heck, I'm seeing younger people that are dying their hair kind of that silvery color.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, I'm not sure. Because they want to be like us when they grow up. I know, right?

SPEAKER_01:

They're preparing, yeah. They're preparing. Getting ready. Yeah. So yeah, the silver hair, red lipstick. I think it's just being comfortable in your own skin. Yeah. You know, is what a lot of it is. Yeah. And we all have moments where we are not comfortable in our own skin, and that's probably where you're growing or learning, or something's happening that's making you rethink the direction you're going or your thought process, whatever, you know. And that's good because that's all part of evolving.

SPEAKER_00:

So there's all these components, right? That we're talking about, all these things that make up just like I said, we want to get clarity and redefining things around what it is when we say a spicy midlife woman, what that spice is. So all these things that we've been talking about, it can include sex, but it doesn't define it.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

We also just on a side note, we've talked about bold truth, raw conversation. There is truly a lot of discussion and conversation around your sexuality, around things that have to do with sex, around, you know, anything in that category. A lot of women our age, they didn't really have those conversations with someone when they were younger. Right. On another note, just kind of funny note, I had gone to an event at my sister's house with we I drove all the daisies. I call them the daisies, you know, my mom, who's, you know, in her 90s, and then my aunt who's in her 80s, and then my cousin, who's maybe in her 70s, I don't know. But I picked up everybody and took them, and we sat, and this is my Swedish, Irish, whatever side of the family. So there's no discussion ever about any of this kind of stuff. Yeah. And we started talking about it. And I was stunned. My mom sat there, didn't say a whole lot. I don't know if she could hear us. I don't know. That was but my aunt and my cousin and my sister, we were all having this conversation about the way we grew up and how nobody talked about those things and they had no clue. And that's exactly how we grew up, yeah, right. And that's not what we're doing with our children or have done with our children, nor is it what our children will probably do because we're breaking that cycle of silence on uncomfortable topics.

SPEAKER_00:

Trying to be better about it, that's for sure. That's all it's really about. Yeah, you know, so anyway, I think too, it's like all those things, like I said, that we've been talking about. You get to a point where you just have to glean the things that resonate with you in regard to this. And that's how you're gonna be able to cultivate your own spiciness, right? Right. And really think about some of the things that we've thrown out there and talked about that we've experienced and what we see and what makes us spicy midlife women, and pick and choose the things and think about the things, like I said, that resonate within you to really create the spice that is going to be in your life.

SPEAKER_01:

And being a part of our community that we are developing is gonna be pretty epic, I think. Because it's all women that we're excited about each other. I'm you know, we're raising the flag for everybody to win, and it's just nice to have a lot of like-minded people around who everybody cheers for each other.

SPEAKER_00:

Yep, the community is coming. Yep. So with all this, I would say do something that scares you. Yes. Why not wear something that makes you feel alive and playful and confident. What else, Jules?

SPEAKER_01:

Feel comfortable speaking your truth, your mind, what's on your mind. Yeah, obviously, you've gotten to this place in your life where you know how to do that so you are in a place where people will listen, as opposed to throwing something out there and putting people in a defensive posture. But speak your truth, speak what is important to you, stand up for your rights, what you're feeling, and um, and don't apologize for it.

SPEAKER_00:

Even if your voice is shaky, yeah, do it anyways. Those are the best. Those are the best moments, those are the best moments, right? Because you really know you get so emotional about it, right? Right. Just speak it.

SPEAKER_01:

And think about joy. What brings you joy? And spend time doing that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

So all of those things create that confidence, which creates the spice.

SPEAKER_00:

So really, it's a mindset. Yeah, it's not a mindset. Yeah, totally is a mindset.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, we are so appreciative of all of you guys hanging out with us, and we look forward to having our community up and running very soon. Yep. This is our first YouTube video that we're putting on for spicy midlife women. We're pretty excited about it. You have no idea what it's taking to get us here. Yeah. But I'm gonna go there. That's a journey too.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

But we're glad we've made me spicy with a lot of four letter words. Yeah. But anyway, we are grateful for the audience and for all of you here. So thank you so much for joining us, and we will talk with you next week. And till next time, everybody.

SPEAKER_00:

Stay spicy. Bye.