Spicy Midlife Women: Real Talk, Raw Truth, and Bold Moves for Women Over 40

30. Midlife Motherhood: Becoming the Woman Your Kids Come To

• Jules and Michele: Midlife Mentors • Episode 30

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Raising kids is one thing…but raising adult kids while you’re in midlife? That’s a whole new season of motherhood — one that comes with its own blend of joy, identity shifts, boundaries, and growth.

In this heartfelt and hilariously honest conversation, Julee and Michele pull back the curtain on what it really looks like to redefine your role as a mom when your kids hit their twenties (and beyond). From letting go of "fix-it" mode to navigating in-law dynamics, modeling vulnerability, learning new boundaries, and becoming the woman your kids actually want to come to — this episode will leave you feeling seen, supported, and inspired.

You’ll walk away with five powerful insights that will help you step into this stage with confidence, authenticity, and a whole lot more ease.

In This Episode, We Cover:

  • What it means to redefine your role as your kids grow into adulthood
  • How to shift from fixer → trusted advisor
  • Why modeling honesty, growth, and imperfection actually strengthens connection
  • Healthy boundaries (for you and for them!)
  • Navigating adult-to-adult relationships with your children
  • Becoming an inspiring, fulfilled midlife woman your kids are proud of
  • The emotional evolution of motherhood — and how to embrace who you're becoming

If you've ever wondered, “What does motherhood look like now?” — this episode is the warm, spicy, girlfriend-to-girlfriend conversation you didn’t know you needed.

Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?!

Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and send a DM about what resonated most during this episode so they can encourage you with steps forward in your own life.

SPEAKER_02:

Hey all you midlife women out there. Jules and Michelle here from Seattle, Washington, the Emerald City. And we are sharing our real life stories and having nobiest conversations with all of you on our podcast, right, Michelle?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, that is right. Here to help all you midlife women redefine your relationships, ditch those toxic cycles, and reclaim your power one episode at a time.

SPEAKER_02:

That's right. So let's get into it.

unknown:

Let's do.

SPEAKER_02:

Today we have a very lovely topic for all of you ladies, and this is in regard to becoming the woman that your kids need at 20 now when you are in midlife.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

We were really struggling with this name because it sounded a tiny bit confusing, but I think you'll kind of get the gist of it. We want you to walk away with five key points because we have adult children and we have children that have been kids while we've been in midlife too, right, Michelle? Oh yeah. Have made some mistakes that we probably could share with all of you so you don't make the same ones.

SPEAKER_01:

It was it's really good. I'm I'm looking forward to sharing these things because as we're as I was looking at them and going through them, it makes you realize I'm a grandma. And I know having grandkids, I think about that. Oh, I wish I was this type of like how I am for my grandkids. I wish I would have been like that with my own kids, right? So you come to this awareness almost, and it's interesting the things that we're gonna talk about that will get you to reflect on those things and make you realize some of that. And it's very good. I actually learned a lot from some of this stuff. So excited to share. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. So five key ways to step into a new version of yourself as you're learning to manage the relationships with your kids that will definitely change over time, whether they are five years old, 10 years old, 20 years old, 30 years old. It is different. It's definitely different. And I know, like you said, you have grandchildren. I don't have any yet. Both of our sets of children are young adults. All of them are young adults.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I find with myself, I have a hard time, not especially with my youngest, not trying to figure things out for him.

SPEAKER_01:

Hard.

SPEAKER_02:

It's super hard.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I've actually gotten really good at it over the last year.

SPEAKER_02:

You are the good boundary girl. Like there's times when she is having these difficult situations that she's dealing with. And I'm sitting here going, wait a minute, shouldn't you do this? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And she stops me and says, No, yeah, I need to stay out of it. I need to not provide my opinion on something.

SPEAKER_01:

And actually, we're going to talk about some of that in one of these key points.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. Well, let's talk first about redefining your role. So the first key point. Go ahead, Michelle. Why don't you share some of your thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, kind of what you were just talking about, letting go of the let's fix this mode that we can tend to get into as mothers and kind of pivot that and be a trusted advisor.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Not the fix it mode.

SPEAKER_02:

So, how have you done that? Kind of give some examples on how you have chosen to do that or what struggle you may have gone through to come to that decision.

SPEAKER_01:

I can think of a situation with one of my sons and has some pretty significant things going on in his life. And for a while, I was in total fix-it mode because he was struggling and I wanted to make everything okay. I wanted to help fix it for him. And so I was in totally fast, fast forward into that mode. And as time went on and the struggle was kind of continuing, I came to the realization that I had to step back because the more I would try to fix it, the more he would distance himself.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_02:

And did you kind of take that as a message? Real subtle message, obviously.

SPEAKER_01:

It took me a while, but eventually I did. And I had to just step back. And I realized I need to let him come to me and be that safe place, be that trusted advisor when it's needed. And he'll do that. And he did. I just remember one time we were having a conversation in the car, and he thanked me for giving him space, the space that he needed. He appreciated that. And we kind of grew to this place where we understood each other and what that all looked like. And it's made a world of difference with our relationship. Yeah. Honestly.

SPEAKER_02:

I can recall even in times my own relationships or with friendships or whatever. Sometimes you have a trusted advisor, like you're talking about, not your kids, obviously, maybe a friend in our realm. And you have people in your life that you know are fixers. And sometimes you don't want to have a fixer. You just want someone to listen to what you're saying. And maybe a good way to approach this as a woman who is now dealing with adult children trying to make their own decisions is just simply asking them.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Do you want me to listen or do you want me to give you feedback?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's a great point.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, because you know, sometimes they don't want the feedback. Right. Sometimes they do.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, and we have to be ready for their answer. Right. Right. And not take it, not get your feelings hurt. Exactly. Like we can ask that question, but be ready, ladies. Yeah. Be ready if they say, you know what, maybe I don't want either. Yeah. They might not want either one in that moment. And that's okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, I you have a couple of your kids that are married. I only have one that is married and just recently was married. And he's really got his shit together as a general rule. And he chose a woman who is just like that, has her shit together too, you know.

SPEAKER_01:

They're kind of a power couple.

SPEAKER_02:

They are. They're my Barbie and Ken. They're so cute. Yeah. And just take such good care of each other, is what I've noticed. But I have found as a mom, even just going through the wedding and going and kind of working in tandem with the other mom, that my role is so much different, especially a boy mom. You know, you're walking into these situations and now they have another woman in their life that is giving them feedback on other things. And of course, where are they going to, you know, defer to? I would say you better be deferring probably to your wife, not your mother.

SPEAKER_01:

And it's an interesting shift. It is.

SPEAKER_02:

I can give you one quick example. They bought a new house and I was sending a bedroom set over to their spare room. Selfishly, I wanted to make sure it's what I liked, just in case I came to visit, right? And she sends me, gave her a couple of examples of what I was looking at, and she sent me something completely different. And her style is very monochromatic, like creams and beigas and whites, and just very like Dania kind of a thing.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And I was just like, oh God, I don't know if I like that, but that's not my problem, right? Now I love it, but because I even bought it for my own house. But she has really good taste, it's just very different than mine. Yeah. And Andrew is not necessarily someone who will care one way or another, but she cares. Yeah. So it's really important that I honored her as his wife to make sure she felt like I was not being overbearing or was not putting her in a position where she felt like she had to, you know, kind of tossle back and forth between us. That's not my role anymore, is to be in his life that way. So that was a really interesting thing that I ran across just recently because I realized that, you know what? It's like I was in that same role with his mom when I was my ex-husband's mom. And she was just equally as gracious. She wasn't overbearing, she didn't make me feel like I was stepping into the bad place. She didn't give me bad feelings at all. And I really do appreciate that now. I never really understood it then.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

You know, so anyway, just a thought. That's what I had kind of came to mind, you know, when we were talking about this a moment ago. So what are your other thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, it's definitely a shift and recognizing that every situation's going to be different, right? Just I mean, we both just share two completely different situations, and you just gotta kind of roll with it to keep that relationship.

SPEAKER_02:

Do you feel like your kids look at you differently as a grown midlife woman now?

SPEAKER_01:

Kind of. I do too. Kind of, but at the same time, there's these moments where they're just like rolling their eyes, I'm sure, like, oh my gosh, like I because it's a good idea. Could it be on our TikTok videos?

SPEAKER_00:

Maybe, maybe, could be.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Yeah, that very well could be. But uh another facet to this is making sure that you know it's okay that your kids don't think that you're perfect, right? Right? Because you have to be able to model that wholeness for them because that's truly what it is. And if you hide those imperfect parts, it doesn't do anybody any good. It doesn't do them any good. No, it doesn't do you any good. And because then if they think it's all perfect when they're messing up, they're not gonna talk to you about it. And they won't come to you because they think that there's judgment there. Oh, I think with that, you have to be able to live your own growth story, right? Your kids need to see you still learning, they need to see you falling forward, they need to see you still growing. I think that's super important even now. It's because there is no destination to this journey, right? Where we don't get to a final destination and it's like, okay, we have figured this shit. We are out, we've arrived. Yeah, we have caught it, right? No.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. Have you ever, like your kids ever asked you, Mom, did you ever smoke weed? Or mom, did you drink before you were 21? I'm just using those as examples.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Have they ever like tried to call you out on stuff that you were holding them accountable to?

SPEAKER_01:

Nothing I can not that I can think of.

SPEAKER_02:

Really?

SPEAKER_01:

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my god, you got it so easy.

SPEAKER_01:

Top of mind.

SPEAKER_02:

I was cracking up because my ex-husband would always say, I have no idea what you're talking about. I have never smoked weed in my life. I would never touch this stuff. He's so full of shit. And that's what I was telling the kids. I'm like, okay, he's not giving you the full story. The reason why I say this for exactly the point that you're making is that I certainly am not a perfect human being by any stretch of the imagination and have done so many things that are out of pocket and out of character and have been like probably really bad decisions in my life. We all have. I'm not saying I'm like horrible or anything. I'm just saying, and they have asked me about them and I have told them. Yeah. You know, because I have a different philosophy on things. It's just like you're saying, if you are not being honest with them about things, why would they be honest with you about things? Right.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, and I think that vulnerability builds connection.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, right. There's a level of that vulnerability that you have to weigh against their maturity level and what you're providing for them based on their maturity level and and all of that. You don't want them to take what you've done and say, well, mom did it, you know, so it's cool for me to do it at the age of 16 or what have you. We want them to learn from our mistakes a little bit. Yeah, you know, but even sex. It's like even talking about sex and things like that, you know, it's like I really didn't do that. I mean, I wanted to, but I was too flipping afraid. But it's like, but my kids would ask me about that. I'm not gonna say, oh, I was a virgin until I got married, because that would be a big fat lie.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Right?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, maybe not as big of a deal for boys, but for girls, it's a bigger deal. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I don't have any girls. It is different, yeah, definitely different being in a boy mom.

SPEAKER_02:

My daughter would call me out because she would know that I'm lying. Full of shit. I'm totally full of shit. You know, and she's a little older now, so she can do that, and I'll just, you know, send her a meme.

SPEAKER_01:

I always rem I like to remind my boys that I might have been born at night, but it wasn't last night. Yeah, yeah. I make sure they know I'm not, you know, I'm not stupid. No, I know what's going on here.

SPEAKER_02:

I know. We pulled so much stuff over when we were kids. I mean, I was sneaky as hell. I went to a Catholic school. I knew how to get past the nuns.

SPEAKER_01:

Can you imagine if we had cell phones back in the day?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, I'm so grateful we didn't.

SPEAKER_01:

I know, me too.

SPEAKER_02:

I I feel like the kids today, and we're kind of getting off topic a little bit.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, a little bit.

SPEAKER_02:

Kids, even young adults today, they have it so much more difficult. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, they've got their smartphone. There's so much pressure for them to have the smartphone, but they're there's being a Gen Xer. Yeah, Gen X is where it's at, I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_01:

For sure.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, we didn't deal with any of that stuff. I mean, we're lucky we're alive, really, because a lot of the things we did.

SPEAKER_01:

But back to that vulnerability and it being important that you share those moments with your kids because I can think of some and there's they're stand out in my mind. And I think too that as we continue in this midlife madness that we're in, it's important too that they see. I bring it up because it was just recently, and we've talked about it before, but you taking the dance class, yeah. You know, taking the dance class, traveling because you want to by yourself, and just going with a group of woman women that you don't even know. Yeah. Going to the concert, going on just doing these things by yourself, whether it be with a group of people or by yourself or with your friends or whatever it is. I think that's important for them to see. It kind of gives them permission in a way to live fully as well.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

When they see you doing it, right? Right. And I think it makes them really happy. I think it does too. One of my sons even said that. I just all I want is for you to be happy, mom, right?

SPEAKER_02:

So which just makes that makes me happy to even see things that way. We do have to set the example, I think, with a lot of those things. And, you know, generations before us that were all, you know, maybe all stay-home moms, they didn't have any other options really available. They were very traditional households. Nothing wrong with that. I'm not throwing any shade at it. It works for some people. That's the way I grew up. That's the way you grew up.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_02:

But you know, I was with my 91-year-old mom today and was telling her, she was asking when I was leaving town, and I'm telling her where, you know, that I'm leaving town. Who are you going with? She wanted to know if Michelle was going with me or not. And I said, No, Michelle's Michelle's travels pretty much aligned with what she's doing with her guy. Totally makes sense. She goes, Well, I just don't feel comfortable with you going. You and she uses the should word a lot.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

You really should go with someone that you know. And I was like, why? I said, I'm going, and there's other people there. I I'm social. I I can do my thing. I can hang out with them.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

You know, it's really more to me, it's very much an experience that I'm so looking forward to because I haven't done it this way before.

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_02:

My kids are like, right on, mom.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

You know, they're just really they're excited that I'm living my life. I guess my point being is that there are women out there that don't know what the hell to do when their kids are quoting not needing them anymore. Yeah. You know, they're independent. That means you did a really damn good job, ladies. Yes. That your kids are out and experiencing the goal. Exactly. And it makes us feel kind of sad in some ways because we miss that little one that was around. But then when you see them growing and thriving and doing well for themselves, you're just like, it's there's nothing better.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Really.

SPEAKER_01:

And I mean, and that's what this episode is really about is becoming that midlife woman or that midlife mom or woman. Just like I said, whether you have kids or don't have kids, you know, it's being that person, even somebody that doesn't have kids, it's becoming that that woman at some point for siblings, for those around you. Yep. Having and knowing those things about you really that bring happiness, really defines who you are, is gonna make you a much better. I'm not not necessarily better, but more well-rounded in life, right? A lot more depth than it, yeah, than it would be otherwise.

SPEAKER_02:

So, yeah, anyways, let's go on to example number three. Let's talk about boundaries. We talked a little bit about this before, not necessarily as it relates to our kids.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I gave you an example of that. This is kind of a silly one, but you know, I love this like reality TV stuff, right? So I'm watching this reality TV show, and this kid, the guy, he's maybe 32 or so, is married to a woman who is from another country. They live here in Virginia or somewhere like that. The kid has such a freaking umbilical cord tied to his mother that his mom just takes over everything in the household. The wife does not necessarily have a say in what's going on. The mom comes in and is completely overbearing, and he doesn't shut her down. And I'm like, dude, get your bars out of your pocket and do something.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_02:

I just I see that kind of stuff, and I'm like, oh god, I'd never want to be that mom. Yeah, you know, yeah, but that's the kind of thing the control we were talking about earlier. She did this particular woman doesn't really have anything else going on.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So, you know, her whole life has been around this child, and he's now a grown man, and he's a sick, he's uh it's their only child, you know, so there's no other children, there's no other, you know, that kind of a thing. And that is where you don't want to be.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_02:

You know, you want to be the person who's welcomed into someone's house, not going, oh shit, she's coming over.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, and at this point, you know, when you have these adult children, it brings you to a point where you should be having that mutual respect, right? That's why I say not the control, but the mutual respect of different situations. And that's definitely a transition that you have to manage in both your own life and with your kids.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. So I think it's important to understand, you know, when your kids are learning how to manage their lives, like learning how to manage finances, for example, and being a sounding board for them or helping them set things up. It blows my mind that in schools these days they don't even talk about this stuff.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

It's like an elective class in high school. I'm like, you need to learn how to manage a checkbook, or you know, not checkbooks now, people don't write checks, but you know what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01:

People still write checks, Jules. I know, I know.

SPEAKER_02:

If you're 80, you write a check. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

I still write checks.

SPEAKER_02:

My point exactly. Anyways, but yes, I know. Chill has boomer tendencies. Right.

SPEAKER_01:

Tendencies.

SPEAKER_02:

No, I mean, I can't say I don't have a checkbook, but I use it when people don't take anything but checks, right? Yeah, yeah. Anyway, my point being there is that they're learning how to manage their lives, they're gonna make mistakes, and you want to be that sounding board where you can give them feedback if they're asking for it without judgment. And so they have that autonomy, you know, within their lives, but they know that you're a resource that's there for them, yeah. You know, if they need it. But letting go as a parent is really tough sometimes for people.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it's tricky. Yeah. And I think too, it's important with the boundaries. Uh when I think of boundaries, I see that wrapped up with communication, expectations, emotional responsibilities, yes, things like that. And it's important though, that with all of it, that you continue to show love and not distance.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. And you mean in saying so in that. What you're saying then an example of that would be if you don't like what they're doing, that you just cut them off, kind of a thing. Or you just if you don't like what they're doing, the way the direction they're going, you just basically shut down or shut them out? No. What do you mean then?

SPEAKER_01:

No, like you you have to that's what I'm saying, just the opposite. You need to continue to show them the love and not the distance. Cutting them off and shutting them out, that would be But you're saying in lieu of instead of doing that, yes, it's important that they know that and they feel that you're setting these boundaries. And sometimes it's more than others, depending on what situations might be. But I think that love factor is always super important and not the distance, so that they know that you are still kind of like I was talking about with my son. It was like I distanced myself, but he knew I was still there because of the love and connection that could still be felt, even though I was distancing myself.

SPEAKER_02:

And he could knock on the door and come in and there would be no problem with that at all.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And I think in a way that teaches them, it helps build that trust, right? And build their independence at the same time.

SPEAKER_02:

So think about your kid going off to college. You know, it's like they go from living in your home, yeah, having rules in most cases, graduating from high school, they're 18 probably, and now they're off at college and they have no boundaries really in place. They theoretically, you've taught them boundaries, but you know damn well that they're gonna, you know, overshoot them. Most kids will anyway. They're gonna test them, they're gonna test them, yeah. And then they're gonna realize why the boundaries maybe were put in place. But there's so many things that you just don't know as a parent that are happening. Yeah, you know, and it's like some of it's like you know, you don't want to know as long as they're safe, kind of at that.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, there are there are those times I'm like, I don't need to hear this story until like another 10 years at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, please, yeah, for sure. Please do not tell me I will be mortified. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, and let's talk about boundaries the other direction then for a second. Because I find, you know, especially with my daughter, that I have to put boundaries up sometimes. Yeah. Because she knows me so well. Like I'll say, Oh, I'm doing something she wants to know. Where are you going? What are you doing? I was like, Well, that's none of your business.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, yeah, that is true.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, that is true. She wants to know everything that I'm doing, and they're always worried about me, worried that I'm, you know, gonna be somewhere to dart. And I'm just like, give me a break. I've been living my whole life and I've been fine, you guys. But they, I mean, I think it's sweet that she worries, but at the same time, she goes, You're not telling me everything. And I'm like, You're right, I'm not. You don't need to know everything.

SPEAKER_01:

And I think that's true. Yeah, our kids don't need to know everything. No, just like we don't know everything about their it goes both ways. Yeah, it does. Goes both ways. So example four. Yeah, go ahead. Finding shared space as adults, right? It's so interesting and it's very enjoyable though, I find when you move that relationship from parent to child to we're just we're all just humans here. We're adults.

SPEAKER_02:

When do you think that transition has happened? I mean, I know it's different for every kid, but when do you think that you have felt comfortable with kind of rolling into that transition?

SPEAKER_01:

You know, it's it's different for every child. Yeah. And I think it's dependent on a lot of different circumstances with each one of those children or with a child. It's gonna be I'm thinking of my four right now, and it's been a different time frame for every single one of them.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Different time frame, different circumstances on how to handle that human to human adult relationship, you know, with them.

SPEAKER_02:

Have you run across where women are friends with their kids when they're younger? Yes. When the kids are younger, yes. See, I have run across that too, and I don't think that's a good idea. But at least for me, I don't think it's a good idea because I think it kind of sh it kind of crowds the message for kids. You know, they might be 14, 15 years old, but they're taking care of you, you know, or you're bouncing things off of them that they really shouldn't know. I mean, I've run across that with people before, and those kids are growing up super fast.

SPEAKER_01:

I think sometimes, because you're saying that, and of course I'm racing through my mind, have I done that? Have I done that? And it it was just making me in this moment think about being a single, you know, I went through a divorce, so then I'm a single mom and you know, not dating anybody. And I think I I think maybe there may have been times where I probably through growth periods as a single woman and mother, I think there probably were times where maybe I I did maybe I keep saying maybe, but where I did like bounce things off of a couple maybe of my older sons that I maybe shouldn't have.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, I mean, there's no way to know really now whether that was good or bad if they're older. I'm thinking about like like you said, there's a lot of women out there, spicy midlife women just like us, that are single, they're raising kids on their own, they're badass women, but they have a need to be able, they have to they feel vulnerable or they feel like God, there's this kid in their house that might be 15 years old. Yeah, it's the only person that's there that this kind of becomes their friend. Yeah. And I just I'm a big advocate of you know, keeping those boundaries and space.

SPEAKER_01:

I think the parent-child relationship, whatever the age, right? Yeah, it's always a parent-child. Right. When they're 50 and I'm 80, it's still gonna be parent-child.

SPEAKER_02:

But it's more human-to-human at that point, or as they grow in the roles flip, like I was saying today with my mom, it's like the roles flip and you become the adult. You know, you not that they're not capable or they haven't had all this experience, but they need so much more when they're older, you know, and it's like you kind of take that role on of not being the kid anymore.

SPEAKER_01:

What I do like is with that shared understanding of adulthood, I do enjoy having conversations now with my boys about adult things. Right. And being able to share experiences and share stories and bring to light certain situations that might be familiar to them and try to help them move through some of their own situations based on what I have come to gain through my own journey. I really am so appreciative of being able to do that now.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, you think about the things that you have gone through in your life and all the women out there have gone through, and we put a protective barrier around our kids in most cases, where they have no idea really what's going on.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

You know, I like I don't know, 13, 14 years ago I had thyroid cancer. I had this barrier around me. So I was more worried about how my kids were going to respond, like they were gonna think I'm dying, you know, that sort of thing. And was very calculated about how I shared that information so they weren't alarmed by it. They knew that there was a plan, that I was okay, I wasn't worried. So had I not done it that way, who knows how they would have responded.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, we're gonna do the same thing when we get older. Yeah. And shit starts happening. We're gonna be, yeah. We'll probably be doing the same thing because we think of them as well. Okay, yeah, that's what I mean. Well, they're gonna be doing it to us. I know, yeah, it's true too.

SPEAKER_02:

So I mean, it's great, it's great that we have kids to do that too, but there's a lot of women out there that maybe don't have children, and this is a a topic that maybe is a little foreign, you know, to them where kids are concerned, but you can take this information and apply it in a lot of different ways. It just depends on who's in your life.

SPEAKER_01:

I love this last one.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, please share.

SPEAKER_01:

Being an example of a fulfilled midlife woman. So we are all works in progress. Oh, all works in progress. Absolutely. The journey never ends. But they are watching.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Right? They are sideline cheerleaders, they are sideline observers, and they're seeing how you handle the changes and the purposes that come and go through your life, right? And I think, you know, for them to be able to see that you're living your life in a fulfilling manner, as little as things might be, whether they're big things or little things, whether it's like you traveling or me sweating in my sweat tent out back, right? The things that we love to do that bring us joy and have brought us fulfillment, I think that's just super important.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, that kind of leads to you having your life be authentic. And they are, you're right, 100% right. They're paying attention to what we're doing. They worry about what we're doing. All of you out there who have children that are younger, you're kind of going through it a little bit different than we are at this point because our kids are a little bit older. But the authenticity that you provide when you are having trouble, when you are really struggling or going through grief or whatever is the grace that you kind of bring to those situations because I'll be damned if we're not, we're not perfect people. Yeah. And they need to see that we can be vulnerable to.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And they've, I think, when you think about that journey and how they are able to see you evolve, make the decisions that you make, get through the struggles that you get through, and really in some ways, not not always blatantly, but being a part of that, even if it is just from the sidelines and watching that evolution happen. I'm just thinking about my own circumstance, and I'm sure many women out there can relate, you know, having the young family, being the working mom, going through a divorce, struggling through a ton of fucking shit, and being able to get through that and continue to thrive, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

But they saw the hard times too, but they see you thrive and then continuing to move forward and fall forward, if you will. Yeah. And becoming now, with all those experiences, really that midlife woman, that midlife mother that maybe we can look back now and wish we could have been for them as 100%. Through the journey that brings us to this place, and we can be that now with them as adults. Right. So just think about that. If you have younger kids and what that what that might look like, I don't know. I just think it's really fantastic.

SPEAKER_02:

I think it's a wonderful place to be. Again, if you are having trouble trying to define what that relationship looks like with your kids, this might be really good information for you because you really need to step back and analyze what do I need to do differently to have the boundary, really gain that respect as a spicy or just a regular midlife woman and develop the kind of relationship that I want to have with my children where I'm not in their business all the time. They know I'm here on the periphery when they need me. It really can be. It really, really can be. So let's recap the five ways. So redefining your role would be number one, modeling growth and wholeness for your kids, building healthy boundaries, and that can be more boundaries that you need.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Both ways. Both ways. Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_02:

Creating adult-to-adult connections when your kids are moving into adulthood and really kind of embracing that and living as an inspiring, authentic example. Again, these are all things that on our bad days we don't necessarily do the same way we might on our good days, but it's just a matter of kind of putting those things into practice, I guess.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

In our lives. So anyway, becoming the woman your kids need at 20 isn't about doing more, it's about becoming more of who you truly are, which is what we're talking about all the time, anyway.

SPEAKER_01:

Confident, authentic, bold, spicy midlife women.

SPEAKER_00:

Having fun. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Having fun along the way. Yeah. If you haven't already checked us out on the socials, please do. We have a great time, especially TikTok. We're having a lot of fun with that. Go check out Spicy Midlife Women on all the socials. Know that we have a community coming. I know we've been talking a lot about community. It is just around the corner. And we're going to be sharing more information on how you can be a part of that. And we're really excited about that coming into the new year, which, oh my gosh, is just really right around the corner. It really is here before we go.

SPEAKER_02:

And we're just excited about how many women are. We just didn't realize this niche was what it is. I mean, there's just so many of us out there, and we're all finding each other, and we're all girl girls, and it's been amazing. So I have my own girl girl right here with Miss Chili. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, till next week, you guys, thank you so much for listening and we will chat with you later.

SPEAKER_01:

All right, everybody. Until then.

SPEAKER_02:

Bye. Bye.